Guilty Pleasures.

I have to go in order! It's not OCD because I don't obsess over it, but I really must go in order!

I gave Never Back Down four out of five stars. I know I know. The plot was mediocre, I guess. Well, I wasn't really paying attention to the plot, but I wish the mother played a more significant role other than a flashback. I think the acting was rather good. It's no Fight Club, but plays on the general theme of fighting. Sean Faris' performance at times seemed forced; he really seems natural when he's giggling and happy and playing around. I don't like Faris when he's brooding. He's hot, but brooding is a no no! Speaking of hot, the only reason I wanted to watch Never Back Down was for Sean Faris and Cam Gigandet and the fighting. I'm a fan of mixed martial arts. Matthew Mullins is the sole reason I love it! Anyway, I really enjoyed the movie! Besides my small qualm over Faris' brooding moments, I think all the characters were portrayed well! Djimon Hounsou delivers the best performance, in my opinion. You get a feeling of his character and his decisions. Plus, that little gray on his chin is sexy! Cam's character (Ryan McCarthy) as the cocky ass is so hot! I never wanted to root for the antagonist, but this one is a keeper! The ending was a bit out of no where though. If you watch the movie and really focus on Ryan, I don't understand why he would act the way he did in the ending. You don't really get that part of Ryan from the movie, until the very end. Oh well, if there's one thing I learned from watching Never Back Down is that violence is OKAY as long as the fighters are fucking sexy. Throw in a fugly and violence is taboo! A big ass "THANK YOU" to Netflix for getting the movie to me on the day of the release of the DVD! Haha!

In other news, I was doing my (twenty times) daily check of gay news! First let me say that I'm a huge fan of Andy Towle, not because he's hot (that's a lie!), but because he's done so much! His blog Towleroad is very popular. I thought I'd give my reactions and thoughts on some of the stories I ran into today. My gay news blogroll consists of "Towleroad," "Queerty," and "afterElton.com's" blog. Some repeat themselves, but that's ok. I had to break out the Stickies application on this Mac so I could remember what I wanted to say!

The first story I stumble upon is this: Vatican Official Urges Anglican Biships: Condemn Homosexuality. Now I don't really have much to say other than the fact that I thought it said, "Condom Homosexuality," which would explain why I was dumbfounded for quite some time. This is what happens when you blogroll after Never Back Down!

Oh get over yourself, Guy Ritchie! You marry the most popular and celebrated artist and then break up and then say that her album is like sugar cause "Sugar kills. Think of the calories in sugar. Fat kills more people than anything else. Sugar is responsible for a lot of deaths, arguably more than crack cocaine." I think someone has had a bit too much coke himself. A man with balls would've said that her new album could use some work or isn't true to Madonna or some fucked up bullshit, but comparing it to crack cocaine and sugar cane? Bitch, you best step off the edge of the Earth! If you don't like her new album, say something else about it other than that piece of shit. Guy, you were always hot in my eyes, but now you're ugly. No one says that about an album that I proudly bought from iTunes and play almost incessantly, to the bane of my family members!

Good news for me! I can get married in Massachusetts! No! It's great, awesome, splendid, super-duper news not just for me, but for everyone!! Think of the money I'll save by traveling to Massachusetts instead of California! I could use that for pink things! Although, I would prefer to get married in California on the beach or something. Now all I need is a steady boyfriend who's willing to marry me. Put that down on the long-term check list. Fuck the marriage part, I need a boyfriend first (well, a social life, but we're not getting into that).

For some reason, I have "Marco Dapper" as down for my next point, but I can't find whatever it is that I need to link to! Oh well, just google the hottie and you'll find out what I mean. He's fucking hot, which is a total understatement. Oh, he was in that movie Eating Out 2 and oh I remember now! He's in the latest issue of reFresh magazine. I don't think it's at B&N, yet so I'm just going to chill or go to that bookstore every day until I find it.

"Me love you long time." This phrase is up for some debate. Apparently, some people find the line to be racist. The original line is said by a Vietnamese prostitute to an American in Full Metal Jacket. Now, I don't get offended like at all. I can certainly see some hype it can cause in the Asian community. It's tantamount to the word "nigger." Is it racist? I surely don't think so. Some argue that it's satire. Satire or no, I'm perfectly fine with saying, "Me love you long time," and having it said to me. People say that it plays on the Asian stereotype of bad English and also indicates that the one saying the phrase is a whore or a prostitute. I say it's anyone's perogative! Say what the fuck you want to say, but since people are so sensitive, you have to consider who you're saying anything to. We're so PC these days. Why can't I just say, "black" or "white"?

Excuse me while I stare at pictures of hunky men!

Not Enough Time.

First of all, I have two brand new sets of icons to use for my blogger posts! The cutesy cartoony ones are from Ragnarok Online, an MMORPG. The big-breasted ones and awesome pretty artist are all done by Hyung-tae Kim, aka HTK, hence the folder name. Now, I have a J.Crew one! I love J.Crew! Their catalog came in the mail the other day. While I'm flipping through it, I see pictures of hot guys and decide to scan them for immortality! Anyway, since I'm awesome at cropping 100x100 pixel images, I thought I'd do these. Plus I have REAL crotch shots of guys! Homos: one. World: three.

There is nothing better than sitting down after a wonderful din din with a cup of water (should be wine, but we're not going to do that), a bar of Hershey's, and blogging! Of course, I feel bad about eating the chocolate in front of my precious Emma! I will only enjoy it a little bit.

I'm finally done with my summer class! The final wasn't at all bad. I was done in the allocated time and I'm confident in my work. I got to write about how to survive a zombie attack. I wrote in second person and made you into a Pop-Tarts addict. Suck my cock, you love Pop-Tarts! Also got to write about snow falling from the point-of-view of an eight year old. I got that down.

I'm very excited about going back to VA Tech! I'm nervous about my roommate, but I'm optimistic, sort of. I have this rabid fear that my roommate will be a chronic masturbator. It's so bad that he does it in front of me! I know I know. You're probably thinking, "Just suck it!" Well, I would, but I'm not going to make the roommate situation awkward. That's my only fear. Oh, I've made a resolution to be more social in my dorm. Instead of doing my homework in my room (well, because roommate is masturbating), I'll do it in the common area where there's a lot of traffic. Yeah yeah yeah! And play ultimate frisbee. West AJ Floor Three FTW, bitches! Apparently I'm adamant about an ultimate frisbee team of the people on my floor. Speaking about dorm stuff, I got my linens in the mail! You're asking, "What the fuck?" but hear me out. I get this package thing in the mail and it has this deal: $170.00, FREE SHIPPING and I get like all my linens and then some. My mom was a bit sad we didn't that before. Gosh, we would've spent $170 on just like the comforter alone. We saving ourselves some cash! Oh shit! I just raised the roof and the blinds behind me aren't closed, mother of pearl!

Where was I? Ah! I'm also resolving to be more social with my classmates! According to messages on my Facebook account, they miss me! I feel bad I don't miss them, but I do now! Some of them went to study abroad in Greece and others where I went when I went abroad, those bastards! Get this! No pictures of hot European men! What the shit? You go all the fucking way over there and don't enjoy the male populace? Who doesn't do that? Okay, lesbians and straight guys, whatever.

Ah, while I have Europe in my head, I'm planning on taking French. For some fucking reason, everyone needs to take Italian so they can survive a semester at Ticino, Switzerland. Pussies! I have the connection of getting force-added, but even then, there's a waiting list. So I'm just going to say, "Fuck it!" and take French. Hopefully, there's still room. If not, I'm going to flip a shit and like take Russian just for the hell of it. I'm already taking Latin and Ancient Greek. I want to be able to speak another language. I don't speak Latin or Ancient Greek and I'm not going to get into the whole scheduling debacle of conflicting language classes! I need more chocolate because I'm very angry about it.

Before I forget, I'm totally going to be working out while I'm at Tech too. Bye bye, tummy! You've been good, but you have to be flat. Sorry!

Oh oh oh oh! Music alert! Everyone must check out Eric Himan, now! He's an out singer/songwriter and his songs are great! I love it! It took a couple of listens to get used to his voice, but once you do and you have a picture of him on your desktop, you'll fall madly in love. I highly recommend his "Resonate" album. I haven't listened to his older songs because I'm poor and those sound clips from iTunes don't do justice to the song in its entirety.

I think I'm going to give up trying to draw and just take up writing. I try and try to draw, but I get discouraged because my pieces of ass look nothing like the experts on deviantART, where ART meets application! I figure I'm better at writing anyway. Hell, I might even write some fan-fiction! I'm totally into Naruto: Shippuuden and Nabari no Ou and Soul Eater. Mix all those into one mash up and you have my fantasy world. Oh and add little bit of Bleach. HAHA! I'm so witty!

Overall, I'm doing very well!

I promise to have an update tomorrow. I had to do like all my laundry today.

Little Boy Blue.

I have so much I need to talk about. I'm so stressed right now. 

I had my final class of the summer. Next Monday, I have my final exam, which I have to prepare for. I also have an analysis paper to do that counts on the exam. Oh and I've got a dog that's itchy. This is no normal itching though. She's licked her leg so much that she's red and there's no hair. I don't think she's self-mutilating because she has all the attention in the world and a great backyard to run around in, so the owners would think. Does she know that she's loved and how much we care? She's an animal, so I'm not sure.

I'm so close to finishing this class. I think I'm just tired of schoolwork and also this laptop. I spend way too much time on this thing. Haha. Fall semester cannot come fast enough, but I'm not sure if I'll be okay living semi-alone. I was alone for two and half days and like I was going crazy! What am I going to do at Tech? I know I'll have to go out and search for fun and possibly drunk, frat boys, who'll get naked.

Fuck, I was planning on writing a response to this one article I read on the internet, but now I'm just like, "Uhh..." And I really thought I had a lot to talk about! :P

Oh oh! if you haven't done so, look up Eric Himan. His music is addicting! I highly recommend him. He's cute AND gay!

Put a Lid on It.

I think it's a general rule I shouldn't drink alone. In any case, I finished my paper; it was a little short, but hopefully it won't be an F. I just need to pass this class, transfer the credit along with the others, and voila! Something good is suppose to happen, I guess.

Something has been bothering me lately. It involves a website called Facebook. Now those in the know are aware of the various applications available to any Facebooker. A rather popular one is the Bumper Sticker application. Now I love it. It allows you to put "bumper stickers" on your profile page. The size is a bit limited thought (175 x 175 pixels), but there are some clever and cute and sexy ones. If you've been living, you might have heard of a book series called Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I googled "twilight" and clicked on Meyer's website about Twilight and found that she has a sense of humor! Here's a little excerpt from the site:

I get a ton of questions about how I came up with the story of Twilight and how I got it published... here is the whole story: (Warning: there are Twilight spoilers contained in the following; if you don't want to ruin the suspense, stop reading.....now. Warning #2: As you might have guessed from the length of my book, I can't tell a short story—this is going to take a while. You have been warned.)

Isn't that cute? I might have to give this series a spin to see what all the ruckus is about. And with humor like that, who wouldn't want to read about a heterosexual vampire falling in love with a heterosexual mortal? Intrigue is what it is!

I digress. On Facebook, there are many stickers involving the main character Edward Cullen. Apparantly he's so "dazzling" he has his own cult following. Well, he is a vampire and will be portrayed by Robert Pattinson, known for his work in the Harry Potter movies.

Again, I keep digressing, but there's a lot of set up for this! Anyway, there's a sticker that says, "Edward Cullen highering the standard for future boyfriends." Now, I can understand how a dazzling vampire would be RAISING the standard for future boyfriends. Oh yes, you read that correctly. Some idiotic fan, apparently in an Edward Cullen Coma, said that the fictional character is "highering" the standard. If anything I think he's dumbing down the infatuated population. I see this sticker all the time browsing the popular stickers and recently popular ones. Really? Is no one else bothered by this? I cringe every time I see this particular sticker! I mean, come on!

This, unfortunately, has me questioning Twilight fans. Is he that intoxicating that you, what I can only assume a drunken state, are making Edward Cullen stickers and not thinking what you type? I can only imagine a fourteen year old making this little image. Seriously.

While I'm on the topic of disturbing stickers, people like to upload offensive or even pornographic stickers. Some people are dumb and will do anything to get attention. Well, there's another sticker I'm not fond of. It reads, "sometimes you have to get weak, just to realize your strong." This one makes me want to King Lear my eyes. Seriously? Did this sticker get added by more than 300 people? Yes. It's a popular sticker because of the message. Facebook is turning into the uptight little brother of MySpace's whoreish ways. I mean every word of that. I love Facebook, but sometimes I just wanna drop a bomb on it.

Okay end of rant.

The Rest is Still Unwritten.

First and foremost, I would like to thank Blizzard, a gaming company, for developing such an addicting game. As you can see from the picture above, I took the CDs (including the expansion) and just broke 'em in half. I played this game for circa two years and what did I get out of it? Absolutely nothing. I'm not shitting Blizzard. They're a great company for what they do.

It all happened after watching The Broken Hearts Club. I'm not going to give any plot because well that doesn't matter. While taking a shower, I did a little introspection. I looked in the mirror and assessed myself. I'm a fuck. My life has been handed to me on a platinum platter and what did I do? I tossed the motherfucker right out the window. Everything. Every single thing. All I ever wanted was attention: someone to say something back to me when I talked. The numerous online journals I've kept over the years and years didn't talk back. I threw everything away: my education, my life, my family, my friends. All of it was washed down the fucking toilet. And it all started with this fucking game called Warcraft. I hate it. Talking about it to some online friends makes me sick. So sick I could vomit this wine.

Everything I ever wanted was right there in front of me. It was all right there. Right there. There. I'm a fucking horrible friend. I wanted them to talk to me, but how does that go when I do initiate the conversation? They're online on AIM, just double click and type. How fucking hard is that? Apparently I'm just so inept at talking to friends that it's a disease. I'm only good at typing just the most random shit into a text box and hit "Submit/Publish Post."

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I was happy in high school and didn't really care. I put smiley stickers all over my clarinet case for fuck's sake! How demented do you have to be to do that kind of shit? Apparently so that I didn't care what other people thought about it. Heck, if it was anything it was a cry for attention. I'm so blind!

I wore my heart on my sleeve. And now I've put it away and put up walls to everyone: my close friends and family. I locked it up because of my first relationship and a crush! What the fuck! Everyone goes through a first relationship and even a crush! Why am I so different? Hell who fucking knows! I made a uh... mole hill out of an ant hill... I think that's the right saying.

I'm just such a horrible friend. Any comment or reply I get should suffice, but does it? Fuck no! And I bitched about people who wanted attention. I was just being a hypocritical jackass! A fucking donkey! I wish I could've recorded what I was talking to myself. I need this thing to talk back to me. I don't know if it's helping, all this writing about random things in an online journal. I have a therapist, but as everyone knows, I don't ever call anyone!

I want to cry. I want to cry because I've been a fucking cunt! I've been awful! I'm a monster! To everyone! I was too fucking blind. I think I'm rehashing what I've said before. That's the wine talking. It's 2003 merlot/cabernet sauvignon! It tasted like shit at first, but now it's heavenly!

I promise to be a better friend and not the jackass I've been. I'm sorry, everyone.

Mother of Pearl!

As of 1.40 PM Eastern Standard Time, I fucked up my iPinky Wafflechunks. My precious precious Wafflechunks. I shall nay see the light of day again for it is the music that which keeps me alive!

I'm at the community college's library cause I need to focus on writing this research paper. I skipped out on camping so I could write this paper. Can you tell I'm excited? No. Plus, this keyboard is sticky and any higher powers know what could cause the stickiness on a keyboard. Anyway, I'm searching for sources about sexuality and sexual identity blah blah blah and since I'm printing out the articles/essays/what have you, I thought that I might go to the B&N and grab a cup of joe, which'll do horrid wonders to my already bleak self-image, a guy named Joe, and sit down and read what I have and hilight in pink! While doing so, I planned on listening to the wonderful Natasha Bedingfield, per usual! This time it's different! Oh yes! I have spontaneity in my life! I'm listening to the tracks that are not on the US version ("Pocketful of Sunshine"). I quite like them. I'm very fond of "Still Here" and "I Wanna Have Your Babies" is up there on my list as well!

So, I have my pink iPod Nano (R) hence the name given to said MP3 player (see above). It's a tad low on battery life so I plug her into the Dell desktop with Microsoft Vista (I'm assuming it's Vista cause of the side bar with the random picture changer). The computer does this searching and installing drivers bit and I notice it takes a bit of time. I open iTunes only to find that it needs a new version install. Marvelous. I see that my device hasn't opened in iTunes! Oh no! I play around a bit more. The damn computer is still looking for the drivers and shit. Then I notice on iPinky that it doesn't have the "DO NOT DISCONNECT" warning screen. Well, it can't be bad for my little precious to be taken out, now can it? As with any Windows operating system, I safely remove the hardware and unplug iPinky.

Lo and be-fucking-hold, the damn thing is frozen! I can tell because it's 2.08 PM and it still says 1.40 PM on the screen. Could it be that I was not careful in unplugging my iPod? Maybe I unplugged it too early cause heaven knows that if you do that it fucks up whatever device you have! I'm quite pissed well partly on myself for plugging in my precious, and also at the fucking computer! I feel a rant about how I'll run my car over the computer multiple times or pull an Office Space and toss it out a window or worse! Beat it with a baseball bat!

I've only heard bad things about Windows Vista. And those fucking rumors are fucking true! Oh and iTunes is stuck too.

I'm a flipping genius at fucking up!

Sometimes I Wonder, "WHY?" No, A Lot.

NO! Don't be like me and think the links in that picture to the left are real. It's a screen shot I took. I'll explain after the introduction.

Okay, I normally try not to post more than once in a day unless it's an absolute must, but I'm not being productive at all and doing this makes me feel productive (even if I am procrastinating).

Okay, I just had to share this screen shot! I was writing an e-mail when I happen to gaze over to the side of Gmail's interface and look! Ads by Google! Surprised? Not just yet. I can understand the first four sponsored links, but what is with the last one?! It's just a random blog that's in modern Greek! I'm guessing it's in modern Greek cause not many people speak ancient Greek. I can barely read it cause I've been away from Latin and ancient Greek for about a year and I wouldn't hesitate to say more than that. The blog is in modern Greek and has a music player that automatically plays a song.

Just for the record, I absolutely hate those! I'm already listening to my music and then I hear another song and I'm flipping out because I think iTunes is going to hell, but then it turns out that it's just the automatic player on the webpage. Thus begins a search for said player to hit the stop button. I don't like doing that as selfish as that sounds.

Anyway, I just adore the color scheme of this Bazoma blog, it's the similar to mine! Their lastest post has a picture of, I think, a dead mouse in one of those old school mouse traps. And then there's another mouse behind the dead one in what looks to me like animal intercourse... Yes, I said it. At least a human wasn't involved ew ew! EW!! They have a picture of a german shepard! Cute, ferocious, huggable german shepards!

The music isn't so bad. I had to pause Natasha Bedingfield! Speaking of whom, I adore her UK album! "I wanna have your babies. They're popping up like daisies. Babies babies babies." Come on! If that doesn't melt your heart and also send a very clear message to your significant other, I don't know what else would. You can't go wrong with Ms. Bedingfield! Alright, pausing the modern Greek and going back to my one true love.

You know that saying that some guys use that goes, "I'd go gay for Brad Pitt," or some hunkilicious celeb? I'd go straight for Natasha Bedingfield (plus some other choice females). While I'm on the topic of gay/straight nonsense, I'm procrastinating on this research paper. I chose the topic of sexuality cause I thought I could spew out tons of stuff on it. As it turns out, I'm brain dead! No really! I'm brain dead about it. I've read some essays/critiques on it, but the subject is just too broad to pinpoint what I want to talk about! I could take the easy route and go with sexuality in general and use sources to back up my assertions, but I really had something in mind. I wanted to do something along the lines of gender roles and sexuality, but I can't get a concise thesis.

Let's add to the pot that I'm going to be out of town from Friday to Sunday and the paper being due oh on Monday. I'm not having fun with that. I may have to skip out on this camping trip or work my ass off on Thursday. Ugh! I- blaaaaaaaah! I'm a sheep.

Voting Dilemma.

Srsly, Hunk du Jour?! I have to choose?!?! Not only do I have to choose from Kerry, Marco, and Bryan, but Peter and Daniel and Jonathan are all hunks in their own way! WY YU MAEK DIS SEW HARD?? In case you're wondering, I voted for Marco because I haven't seen any new pictures of him lately. Kerry is hot and making his way up. I think he's in two back-to-back issues of Out Magazine. Congrats to Kerry! Bryan is just hot and I have tons of pictures of him circulating my desktop.

Yes, I do realize that I can vote more than once, but that's just "stuffing the ballot boxes," which I do not find ethical. Shame on you who stuff those boxes!

On a side note, goggy iz doin wellz! she had fudz poysonin'. inorite! but she betta nowz! Oh and I don't like research papers.

She's still not doing well. I won't be able to concentrate on anything.

A Storm within the Morning.

Flash. One Mississippi. Two Cincinnati. Three Alabam- boom. 3.7 miles away. What a pleasant way to wake up. Let me try to get back to sleep. Flash. Boom. Ugh, I need it quiet to get some sleep. I’m a light sleeper sometimes. Most of the time, I can sleep through many things. When I’m in my room, however, I need it quiet and dark. The flashes of light don’t help especially since the neighbors across the street have a floodlight shining into my room.

I don’t mind not getting any sleep. I’ll just enjoy this storm. Crap, it’s only five o’clock in the morning. Oh well, I like the flashes of light, the preceding silence, then the loud rumbling. The flashes of light can be annoying, but when I just close my eyes it’s soothing. The anticipation of the coming sounds puts my heart into a race. A loud crash stops my heart for a second. The low rumbling resounds in my chest and I feel powerless against such a force. I accept the feeling of vulnerability because I know this phenomenon is not within my control. Then it dons on me. We have no trees in our front and back yards. The flashes of light will strike the tallest object. In this case, it’s the house. We have a vivacious cherry tree, but it’s not yet tall enough to overcome the height of the house.

My imagination takes over. Through the middle of my room a bolt of light pierces through the ceiling, through the floor, and creates a black crack on the tile of the bottom floor. The splintered holes left by the bolt are charred and steam from the heat. I can hear my parents banging on the door yelling if I’m okay. Then my handsome hero swoops through the window and rescues me! I wish.

The loud, rhythmical thumping of the bass from music doesn’t compare to the sensation of that low rumbling penetrating through my body. The sensation starts at my heart and emits from there and ending at my extremities. As I turn onto my other side, I can still feel the sensation. It’s exhilerating. No wonder I can’t get to sleep. I’m too busy getting caught in the storm.

Emma has been sick for a few days. I'm starting to get worried. =(

Review of "29th & Gay"

Since I didn't like this movie, I thought that I might enlighten anyone as to why I didn't like this movie. Any movie recieving a two star or a one star rating, I should explain. Perhaps I might do reviews of any five stars, but those'll get repetitive.

Despite being a TLA product I was a bit disappointed. The plot was good and I enjoyed it. I was rooting for the main character, James, to find love. I found the "wry comedy" not funny. Some of the choices that James made warranted a nice slap across the face from me. His naivety was cute, but you've really got to be living under a rock to be like James. His friends, bless their hearts, try their best to help James get a boyfriend, but James is just too thick-headed. There's no sex, thank god.

The cinematography was bad. I read other reviews and they all loved the low budget-ness of this movie. I was fine with the camera movements, but when James would talk to the camera, it took away from it. A voice over perhaps would've sufficed, but I think the purpose of talking straight to the camera was to emphasize the low budget film.

Idiocy.

I'm so fucking stupid!! I bought Adobe Photoshop Elements 6. I bought the wrong one for $100. I got the version for FUCKING WINDOWS!! The serial number didn't work and I was searching the entire website for this stupid Akamai download shit thingy. This MAC doesn't do that java/activeX crap! So I had to bite the bullet and buy the right one... Thank fucking god it wasn't the CS3 version! ><

Flash Fiction.

We were given four scenarios to pick from. I chose the scenario where a couple is driving home from a party and they're not getting along. They hit something. From there we elaborate in 500 - 700 words. For some reason that day, I kept thinking of zombies. All the scenarios had potential for a zombie story, but I chose the couple one. I might write about the other "flash fictions" when I get this zombie mentality out of my head.

---

The black, two door Hybrid zipped along the thin, curved road. Adam, the driver, clutched the steering wheel as tight as he clenched his teeth. Steve was berating his partner of five years about the party. “You could have faked it!” he shrieked like the tires going into the curve of the road. “You don’t see me canoodling with the hussies at that skank hole!”

“It was your idea! I didn’t want to go anyway!” Adam rebutted, “Besides, it wasn’t like I was going to fuck him.”

Steve whined, “That’s all you care about! Sex sex sex!” as his eyes began to water.

“Look who’s talking!” hollered the driver. Adam’s vision was blurry from the rage he felt within. He wanted to dump Steve on the road and leave him, but that would cause trouble. A pair of lights came toward the Hybrid. Steve took no notice of the headlights because he, fearing his mascara would run, was dabbing his eyes with a tissue. Adam’s heart pounded harder in his head. He rolled his eyes and swerved to the right.

Steve began to speak his mind once again, but was interrupted when the small car jumped into the air after hitting what seemed like a really big bump. “Oh my god! What was that? Did we hit something?” He began shooting more questions at Adam, who put all his weight onto the brakes. “Was it a deer? Should we stop? It might’ve been a homeless man! What if he died? We could go to jail for this! I’m too pretty for jail and I certainly can’t eat their shitty food!”

Adam, rolling his eyes again, pulled the car to the side of the road and put on the emergency blinkers. He got out of the car and could hear Steve running his mouth as loud as the car’s engine. “Do you have a flashlight? Wait! If you have a crowbar I’ll use that! I have mace! Hold on!” Adam opened the trunk and pulled out the emergency flares. He lit one and walked back up the road. He could make out a lump on the road. It was covered in rags. He thought that maybe it was a homeless man. With a concern, he hastened his steps toward the figure. “Wait for me dammit!” wailed his partner from afar. As Adam closed in on the figure, he heard a moan. He attempted to help the figure, but the odor was so overwhelming he had to step backwards. Steve galloped to his partner’s side. The moan coming from the figure on the road turned into a guttural growl. At first, Adam thought it might be a dog, but it was too large. As it stood up, it was clear to the couple that the figure was human. Steve let out a shriek. The humanoid figure turned to face them. Upon seeing what they had run over, both let out a blood-curdling scream.

“G-g-g-g-g-g-aaaaaaaaaary,” the figure uttered. The couple continued screaming. The figure snapped its neck as if being hit by a car was normal. It cleared its throat and said, “My name isss Gary.” Adam and Steve shrieked again. “I-I wasss on my way to the Phobor housssse.”

Steve, who could recognize a fake lisp, silenced his scream and gave the figure an accusing stare. “You’re gay?” Gary nodded. “Oh honey, you can’t go to the party wearing that! Adam, take off your clothes.” Steve began unbuttoning the jacket from Adam, who refused. “Here put this on!” As Gary slid on the jacket, his hand fell off. Adam and Steve stared in bewilderment. “You’re a zombie!” Steve screeched. Adam knew of the recent plague of zombies from the news. Fearing for his life he grabbed Steve and stepped back.

Gary explained, “I wasss on my way to the party to sssee if I could hook up with sssomeone. It’sss hard to find a good man when you’re a zombie.”