Rainbows & Sunshine

Destiny

2011-07-18T15:22:00.001-04:00

Cute co-worker is wearing a black shirt and so am I! We're destined for one another! He also has a sexy beard and wears some hot glasses and looks super cute in a t-shirt and jeans. *SWOON*

2011-07-15T15:11:00.000-04:00

I could use a penis right now.

2011-07-01T21:52:00.002-04:00

sorry i didn't get off early for the holiday weekend. sorry i was fucking tired. sorry i wasn't happy that it's the weekend. sorry i was fucking tired. i'm not sorry for taking offense at the sarcastic comment, "waiters must really like you." i was fucking tired and i don't do math.

Nice Guys Finish... ...

2011-05-24T13:24:00.001-04:00

The old adage suggests, "last." Personally, it's all bullshit. As each day passes, as I commute to and from work each day, this whole Nice Guy persona is slowly turning into the Bitter-Guy-Who-Hates-Everyone-Slash-Everthing. It could be my short temper, but I have reason to believe it's not just that.

One fine day, I'm driving home after work (http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF&msa=0&msid=214065779436258259951.0004a4088638b3320d030). Use this map for a visual. I take Forest Avenue south bound to avoid the traffic on Parham Road. Forest Ave has traffic, but it flows as opposed to the stop-and-go of Parham. Forest Ave is one lane north of placemark A (please refer to the map). At that point, the single lane road splits into three right before the traffic light at Patterson Road and Forest Ave: a left turn, go straight, and a right turn lane. If you notice, Milford Rd begins/ends at placemark A and there's also a sign that says, "Do Not Block Intersection."

At this point, I stay on Forest Avenue and eventually get to where I'm suppose to go, so I have to stay in the go-straight lane. It's a little difficult to see on the map, but the single lane is more into the left turn lane and the straight lane. Now, depending on how the cars are positioned, cars that need to make a right turn onto Patterson can pass the cars that need to turn left or go straight. I'm the lucky bastard that has to decide whether or not I'm going to be an ass and block the intersection in case anyone coming in the opposite direction needs to turn or if anyone from Milford Rd needs to get onto Forest. I decide to take the nice route.

So there's space in front of me for a car to pass through and space to my right for cars to pass to get to the right turn. Are you following me? This is where the shit goes down. As I'm stopped, I notice a white Honda whatever go past me on the right and kind of stop. All of a sudden the fucking asshole pulls in front of me. Not only did the fucking shit-eating asshole cut me off while my car was stopped, but he blocked the intersection. I'm so pissed at this point, I honk my horn and he pretends he hasn't done anything wrong, the fucktard. Traffic moves and I'm just pissed I have to stare at the back of this guy's car. I don't tailgate him because traffic flow is bit erratic down Forest and to show that I'm not that pissed at him, but really, I want to ram my car into his at 100+ miles an hour.

What I should've done was get out of my car, walk to his open window, and punch the motherfucker in the mug for being a motherfucker or got out of my car and started yelling at him. Sure, he could've had a gun, but this isn't downtown. And I'm sure I could've gotten my point across by being out there in the open and willing to resort to violence for his idiocy.

Thank you for your time. Go fuck yourselves and please, just give me an excuse to honk my car horn because I fucking like it.

Oh, Life.

2011-03-28T15:37:00.001-04:00

Until I get off my lazy ass and reschedule my appointment with a retiring psychiatrist from 4/04 to another date, Blogger is going to have to take the beating for my ranting.

Where to start, where to start? I don't think people realize that I'm very shy and therefore don't do much talking. I'm pretty sure people are thinking I'm just anti-social or don't want anything to do with them. Half of that is true.

Friday, I get invited to a lunch outing with my coworkers. I have no idea who's going to be there – I dislike some of the people I work with, but that's a given when you're working a job. We arrive at our lunch destination, which was delicious despite me not saying more than a couple words the entire hour. Apparently, someone had reserved a room at the restaurant and I felt pretty bad tagging along, but I was told I wasn't included in the e-mail because my managers and boss are automatically copied in any e-mail I receive.

Conversations start and no one is engaging me. I'm listening to what everyone is saying, but there are three separate conversations going and the one I care for more is super quiet. I can only get bits and pieces. The conversation in front of me is super loud, the opposite of super quiet, and about Star Wars, Back to the Future, and gambling in Las Vegas, with drinking thrown in every now and then. I've ordered a cheese steak sandwich and had gotten a couple of "That looks delicious!" but other than that, nothing. I could've jumped in on the geek fest in front of me, but I never saw Back to the Future or Star Wars in their entirety. I'm pretty sure I've only seen a total of like fifteen minutes of Back to the Future and like thirty minutes of each Star Wars film (the ones before Lucas decided to just fuck it up, or so I've been told). One hour of this and we're back in our cubicles. Uneventful and well, boring is how I would describe it. Plus, we had to pay in cash and all I had was a twenty, which I gave anyway, so the waitress got a nice tip from me.

Friday evening, I was told about going out to watch the VCU Rams in some March Madness basketball tournament. VCU is doing really well and in the Final Four, so they have a chance to win all this. I don't care for it, but I do care about hanging out with people (and drinking). I get a text for a destination at like 9 PM and I get myself ready and on my way by like 9:30. The plan was to leave by 9:15, but I got preoccupied. I only live twenty to thirty minutes away, unfortunately, I got there late and parking at this place is horrendous. There weren't any spaces and if there were, they were motorcycle-sized. So, I ended up parking a couple blocks away from where I was going to spend the night and having to walk like ten or fifteen minutes to the bar. The weather was a bit chilly, but the walk warmed me up. Of course, I don't remember if I locked the doors with the keyless entry device, but I'm halfway to where I'm supposed to be. Turn around and make sure the fucking door isn't locked because I'm paranoid someone might try to steal my CDs or my clothes or the car.

After walking for blah knows how long, I finally get to the bar and it's full and they can't let any more people in. I'm kind of beyond pissed and people are talking, saying that no one is going to leave because the VCU game is just starting. True. What's also true is that there's a back door, supposedly the emergency exit, which I snuck through with the help of my friends. My only problem was that if I got a nice buzz and wanted to smoke a cigarette, I'd have to go out the front door and I just had this paranoid feeling that the doorman would recognize me. I'm Asian, and not wearing any black or yellow or any combination thereof, which are the colors for VCU.

Once I was inside, I was enjoying myself. I was drinking heavily and just guy watching. I didn't care for VCU or basketball, so you put those two together and I'm just a ball of don't-give-a-fuck. The rest of the night went well, until I thought that throwing up in a parking lot was a good idea. Whoops. I had a horrible hangover the next day and took an afternoon nap for four hours.

Saturday was uneventful and non-productive.

Spring football for the River City Sports & Social Club is in full swing. The homosexuals have a team. I'm not playing, but that's no surprise. What's a surprise is that I played football with them in the previous season in fall. I'm not playing this season because I don't have a competitive cell in me and I didn't like being yelled at by our quarterback for not being open or I need to turn around faster or I need to be on the line of scrimmage faster. I'm pretty sure I was clear that I'm not athletic or any good at football. I get asked why I wasn't playing and was told that I looked like I enjoyed myself. That's because I didn't give a fuck if we won or not.

Anyway, to show that I'm not a bitch, I go to the football games and cheer (as best I can or am willing to). The team is doing well and it doesn't look like anyone is getting angry, which normally happens. It's a team of homos and one straight girl – there isn't much hope for winning, unless we're up against a bunch of toddlers, and we'd only win due to the height difference.

Sometimes after the game, we'll all go out and get brunch or drinks. Sunday was pretty cold and it had mixed rain/snow earlier that morning. Some wanted to watch the VCU game, surprise. Three groups branch away and go on. I sort of hang around in hopes maybe someone will ask me to come along. I do get asked along, joy, but at the last minute and I was told that I'd be sent a message on Facebook. I live across the James River and about thirty minutes away. I didn't want to go all the way home only to have to come back to watch something I don't care for. I stop by a grocery store for some food because I'm starving. The people I'm supposed to be hanging out with needed to get drinks beforehand or something. They weren't really clear and they weren't really talking to me about it anyway. Like I said before, I got the invite when people were leaving and after I said, "I'll see you guys next week," hinting that I wouldn't be going with them. I had some food, so I stopped by my sister's place, which is nearby. Every thirty seconds, I'm checking my phone for some sign of where to go to meet up with people. Nothing, nothing, nothing. After half an hour, I give up and just go home after stuffing too much potato salad down my throat and into my stomach. If I get the information later, I would just make some shit up like I went home and passed out or was watching TV and didn't have my phone nearby.

Of course, being the masochist that I am, I have to check Facebook to see how much fun everyone else is having without me. I see a post from one of the people saying that she's watching the VCU game with some of her favorite boys; I figure it's her dogs because that's how she refers to them sometimes. Nope, pictures are later posted of them at the bar and she also tagged them in a post saying she had a great time watching the game and being with them. This from the one who said she was going to do homework at her apartment while the game was playing. I see pictures of them hanging out at an apartment, too. Really, they just forgot about me and I'm not memorable enough to remember.

Well, I'm sorry for being so fucking shy. I can't be like all the other homos out there with the witty attitude, girl-no-you-didn't personality. I'm also not skinny or attractive enough to be remembered, either. I'm fucking trying to be more social. There's a fucking reason why I'm going to the football games every fucking Sunday, when I could be at home playing Warcraft and leveling a priest to fucking heal groups and play with other people. I'm fucking trying to make friends, but it's beyond difficult and near fucking impossible when you're shy and have self-esteem issues, especially around such an image-centric culture. The only thought that goes through my mind: am I doing something wrong? It doesn't help that I'm a broken record with this "Did I do something wrong?" at work, but now I'm doing it with a group of people. Yes, I'm easy to pick on and people recognize that because I don't snap back with my fingers and tell them, "Bitch, mind your own fucking business!" or some witty comeback. Thanks for comparing me to a soccer mom in that I'm suppose to bring bottles of water/Gatorade and towels or hell, even alcohol. I'm not fucking rich, and there's going to have to be some like money pot if they want me to provide shit for them because I was the only one who brought fucking alcohol last fucking season and to any other game for that fucked up matter. Sure people brought their own, but did they offer it to the entire team on more than one occasion?

I suppose I should grow bigger balls and let people know how I feel, but run the risk of being a bitch and then flat out not being asked to go to things again? I don't know. If there is one thing I know, is that I'm alone and just frustrated in trying to not be.

lol

2011-03-08T20:06:00.001-05:00

more lol

test subject

2011-02-21T12:27:00.001-05:00

test content

Video Post

2010-09-25T10:21:00.005-04:00

The guy is cute!

Mesmerizing!

Absolutely beautiful!

Shout It From the Rooftops / Write It On the Skyline

2010-07-20T18:54:00.004-04:00

Shontelle's Impossible is absolutely amazing. It's on repeat. Surprise.

If you look at the last time I updated this blog, it was forever ago! So why now am I getting the urge to write today? There was a particular occurrance this morning that has spurred me to write. Just keep in mind the subject of this entry.

When I was younger, much younger than I am now, I used to have an electronic journal. I had it stored away and password protected. I had a password to open it because the entries were basically me swooning over any moment I had with my neighbor, even if I just saw him walk his dog. I didn't want my family to know that I was gay at the time, and since I didn't have anyone to talk to, I thought that typing out my thoughts and feelings would help. I guess it did, but it was young and many of the entries were pointless anyway, haha! At one point, I was somehow going to put it online, but I found it to be very very very cumbersome. So I decided to just get a deadjournal and start there. Before posting online, the computer, which housed the journal, broke and I was devastated! Then I put the journal on a CD-RW. Aaah, memories. Anyway, I only reminisce because of what happened this morning and I'm smiling and thinking how juvenile this will be, but hey, I really enjoyed typing those entries.

Since I have a full-time desk job, I usually leave the house around 7:30 AM. (Side note: I've been debating whether or not to use his real name, but I've decided to do so because it means "sun" in Hindi and I find that absolutely beautiful.) My neighbor, Suraj, works for Wachovia doing I don't know what, but he wears suits and looks great in them! Anyway, I had just closed the door and looked up when I saw him, shirtless I will point out, putting the family dog outside. I got a nice look at his shoulders, but he was hunched over and I think he saw me, but I pretended not to notice that he was there. It was from a distance, but his shoulders looked so smooth and kissable. If I hadn't gotten over him (I had the biggest crush on him in high school!) I'm sure my heart would've skipped a beat. And that's basically all that happened. I did smile on the way to the car and as I got into it.

Yup, imagine me just talking about Suraj on a daily basis, but with a more high school crush twist to it. It sucked when I finally accepted the fact that he would never love me back or say, "I love you," to me. That's when I decided that having a high school crush on him was pointless. I will admit that I went to the same college as he did just because he chose to go there. I did get to drive him home a couple of times and he slept most of the way and I remember looking over to watch him sleep. Bad idea because I'm one of those guys who will crash his car because he got distracted by an attractive guy running/walking on the side of road and the danger is multiplied if he's shirtless and even moreso dangerous if he's sweating and glistening in the sun.

Now to completely switch gears, but have some connection for me. I was going through my blogroll and I came across this website and its effort to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. It's called The Dog Tag Project and you basically pay $25 for a dog tags, one that says "Repeal DADT," while the other has the information of a discharged member or one going through the process of discharge because of DADT. The money goes toward helping to repeal DADT. I'm so very tempted to do this. As a romantic I've always wanted dog tags and I always visualized my significant other giving me his dog tags and I'd always wear them and remember him. I don't think I can do that with these dog tags though. A little bio comes with the tags so I'll know of the soldier affected by DADT. I love the idea, and I love spending money. I must resist until I get paid again.

And I'm done. =)

With My Hands Wide Open

2010-03-20T15:25:00.004-04:00

I don't know why the text is starting so low on the image to the left. And the subject title is unimaginative - I just used the image. Oh well.

It's a beautiful Saturday here at Virginia Tech, so I thought I might get some work done. I've packed all my things and went to my favorite hang out: She-Sha. I enjoy the dance of the smoke as it leaves my mouth. My lungs will hate me. I've given up on cigarettes because the taste is just absolutely atrocious. Hookah has flavors and no additives, but you could call it a vice of mine. Unfortunately, there's a slight wind flow where I'm sitting so the smoke is all going toward the left. Boo!

I'm slowly getting through my homework on a Saturday no less! I don't think I'll be able to read any assigments for the fact that there are too many distractions, e.g. boys and music. I need a nice quiet place to read, so I guess I'll do that at my apartment. Also I find it hard to do homework on my lap. I need a desk to lay out all my materials. I'm trying to get my homework done gradually over the weekend. It's my last semester and I need to maintain my pathetic GPA and so far, I'm not doing so well in my classes. I had midterm exams before my Spring Break and I didn't study for any of them. If I can prove that I do know something, maybe my professors will be sympathetic and give me passing grades.

It's my last semester and it's slowly settling in that this is my last semester. I was talking to my roommate about missing one of my professors and I almost cried. I'm such a girl! I know for sure that at the end of the year celebration thingy (Bacchanalia), I'm going to cry. VA Tech is like my second home and family. A few of my friends are going to be living together and I'm really jealous. I could try and find a salary job in Blacksburg, live with them, and work on getting my teaching license. My Mom would cry. The past few weeks, I've considered trying to find a job in DC. My Mom would cry. As mentioned before in this blog, my sister is going to move there and would like it if I rented her place. Only problem is money and I'm horrible at budgeting my money. Case in point: I was drunk one night and bought seventy dollars worth of personal items from Amazon. I've been trying to cut down on my iTunes purchases, also, but to no avail. I'm still buying music, and sometimes I don't even listen to what I buy. I'm so fucking horrible with money.

I think I'm going to finish this entry later tonight. I'm getting cold.

Shit

2010-03-02T22:16:00.002-05:00

I had a shitty day. It's unfortunate because I woke up and I was in a good mood.

It's my last semester as an undergraduate and I since I'm a lazy bum, I wanted to take a couple of my classes as Pass/Fail. I only need one credit to graduate and to maintain my current pathetic GPA. I'm only taking twelve credits so I can receive loans. I left early in the morning to the building where I can change my grading option. I walk in and the lady asks if I need help with anything. Pass/Fail form. The deadline was yesterday. Thanks. Basic outline of the conversation, heh. That really put me in a sour mood because that would mean I have to do work to maintain my pathetic GPA.

My teacher couldn't sleep last night so he was a bit out of it. On top of that, we were missing half the class, bringing the total to four (including myself). The one day I put a full effort into translating and we're only going to do a couple phrases each. Well, I guess it wasn't so bad because we finished what I had translated up to. After class, a couple classmates go to this little restaurant and eat. I have a dining plan so I'm hesitant to eat there, but I give in to my laziness and end up ordering something. I'm not in a talking mood so when it was just me and another, I take my leave.

The day has been snowing on and off. I enjoy the snow. I abhor the aftermath - the mounds of snow on the side of the road, the salt encrusted snow getting on my shoes, and having more than six inches fall each day. I'm so sick of the snow now. Everyone is

I'm cutting this entry short cause well I feel like shit.

Soothing

2010-02-24T22:23:00.004-05:00

I've got some tea, the Amelie soundtrack, a humidfier, and completed homework. I feel somewhat accomplished. I still have to re-review the Greek. I can only hope that tomorrow's Greek class will go well and not like it has been in the past week or so. I also hope I've translated enough; I should probably go back and count the lines.

The tea is very soothing as it travels down. I was inspired by Teddy cause he needed caffiene, but opted for tea instead. Good call.

The Amelie soundtrack is soothing. I love the whole French music thing. I'm sure it's the accordian-like instrument I hear. The music is lilting and it reminds me of the movie, obviously! The movie is beautiful in that Amelie helps everyone else be happy, but neglects to find her own happiness.

The humidifier is soothing. I only wish the inhalant I bought worked. I poured it into where it's suppose to go and it hasn't evaporated. I finally cleaned it out. Soothing, you may ask? It has this gentle hum to it and distracts my attention from the multitudes of passing cars on the road and also the upstairs neighbors and their enormous feet making the floorboards creak unnaturally loud.

I attemped a slightly different method to translating my Greek homework. Before, I would go through and find the vocab for words I didn't know as I "translated." Then I'd stop and fudge the translation in class. This time, I read the Greek and thought of how each word worked in the sentence and writing down any words I was unfamiliar with. Then I looked up all the words, without the text open, and found definitions. Then I went back and translated. I kind of went through the translating kind of fast, but I've had plenty of sleep lately, so I might go over it again once I'm down blogging.

I should probably go to bed soon (it's 10:34 PM) because I have to wake up at 6 AM to catch the 7 AM bus to take this sight reading contest thing at 7:30 AM and then proceed with class at 9:30 AM. I'm really not happy about this. The contest entries have to be post-marked by Monday the first. Okay, that's not too bad. Finding a time when four or five people can devote two hours of translating time during this week was hell. I blame those in charge for procrastinating. First, we were late in deciding who was going to take which test and a week before it's suppose to be sent in. We knew about this translation contest for awhile. We just never got around to getting it started, which is why I'm not happy. It's not bad for me, but my roommate took one last night at 6:30 PM for three hours and didn't have much time to prepare for it. He's doing the 7:30 AM session with me and then after our evening class that ends at 6:15 PM, he's taking another one I believe. This is what happens when you procrastinate. And my roommate works.

I finished my tea and contemplating on whether or not I should make another cup. Hmm... I should be fine.

In nonacademic news, I've become burnt out on Warcraft and have cancelled my account. The main reason is that it's my last semester as an undergraduate and I have to do well. My GPA is very low and I want to do whatever to keep it up so I can graduate. To fill the gaming void, I signed up for a GameFly account. First game was Dragon Age: Origins and Mass Effect 2. I mailed DA:O, but the website has yet to confirm if they received it or not. I mailed the game on Friday and it's shipping center is in Pittsburgh, PA. I'm only worried that something has happened to it and I'm not paying to keep a game I'll never see again. This has been stressing me out since Monday. It's close to being a week and nothing. When I had a netflix account, it took about four days to send and recieve a movie and I found it rather timely. I still have ME2 to have a game to play, but I'm getting tired of it already. I don't know what I'm going to do if something did happen to the game during shipping.

I should get to bed.

-Jimmy

You Are My Only One

2010-02-23T20:39:00.002-05:00

Yup, I'm old school with Yellowcard.

There's something that happens during my Greek class that I can't explain. There are usually two scenarios. The first one is when I'm all hyper and speak out of line. I can tell the teacher/professor is annoyed but they handle it well. At the end of the day, I feel like a jackass about what happened. I've gotten good at toning myself down. The second scenario is my brain not working, I'm staring at the text, and my friends are being me when I'm hyper - cracking jokes and making side comments. Lately, I've been feeling lethargic, I suppose, after my class. There's an individual or two that I can't stand being around, but I'm getting better at ignoring them rather than pretending horrible accidents befalling them. I'm a bitch. Despite taking my medication, I'm going through a slump.

I found out the other day that my GPA is too low to even consider doing the M.A. teaching program at VA Tech. I asked about doing the teaching licensure/certification without the focus on M.A., but I didn't get a clear answer. I went back on my decision yet again because I really enjoy spending time with my friends here at Tech. We hang out and drink together and just be together. We're graduating; one is going to grad school somewhere not Tech and two of them are dong the M.A. teaching program (what I wanted to do).

I weighed my options and found that VCU has a program that doesn't focus on an M.A., but I have to take the GRE (or MAT) to apply. They're going to find out how smart I'm not! The deadline for the fall registration is March 15 and there's no way I have time to prepare for the GRE by then. I've settled for studying for the GRE after I graduate and then apply for the spring term. I'll work on my M.A. when I have a job. Gah, this is so far in the future.

Slump - my friend has been trying to visit Tech for the past month, but the snow has been a major hindrance. Now, she can't afford the gas money. And for some reason I promised that we'd go to a football together, after I've graduated. I don't even like football and she's not the kind to socially drink with strangers.

I hate thinking about the future. My sister plans on moving out of her condo, but renting it out. She would prefer it that I stay there instead of a stranger, but no way in hell I can afford the rent alone and I'm not even sure I'll have a job when I graduate. She's planning on moving around the time I graduate. I like her condo and I like the area there. And it would be closer to VCU if I get accepted into the teaching program.

As each paragraph gets smaller, I see it as a sign that I'm all blogged out.

-Jimmy

[insert Lady GaGa lyrics here]

2009-12-05T02:58:00.002-05:00

I can't choose which GaGa lyric I want for a title. They're all so good, it's so hard to choose just one. Mayhaps, "That boy is a monster. He ate my heart." Nah, but wonderful nonetheless. And you might wonder, "Why is this psycho posting at three in the morning?!" I'll tell you why!

This week, the LGBTA organization at my university is celebrating AIDs awareness. Tonight the LGBTA held the annual Club Red Ribbon, where they basically turn this ballroom place into a dance club. My RSVP on Facebook was "Attending," but since I haven't been able to take my anti-anxiety medication (I left it at home), I stayed in and played some Warcraft. "So happy I could die." I did have plans to go, so while I was waiting for the time to roll around, I drank a Red Bull. Upon deciding that I was staying in (it was cold!), I had a beer and I just knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I looked at the weather and it's suppose to snow after 4 AM, so that's why I'm up.

Okay, so I uploaded a bunch of screenshots from Warcraft onto my Facebook. I'm much too lazy to upload them via Photobucket and then post them. I wonder about Flickr... BRB. Okay, they're uploading to Flickr, but I'm uploading all of my screenshots when I should've gone through and picked the ones I wanted to upload. Oops. Meh, not so can't find the word... I'll have to play with it more.

Now, I was very certain I had a reason for updating other than killing time until it starts snowing, but now I'm all just not in the mood to update now. =(

-Jimmy

Why Do You Hate Yourself?

2009-11-29T23:20:00.005-05:00

First of all, I didn't drink myself into a stupor like I had planned. Onto the subject at hand. Below is the video I was talking about in this entry about the Tyra Banks clip. The guy's name being so closely related to mine is a bit scary, but fitting I suppose.

Once again, I'm at a loss of words on how to start. I need an opening sentence that encompasses what I'm about to write. Not this time or any other time for that matter. What hits me the hardest is when Andrew has a question for Chen. "Why do you hate yourself?" and his reasoning is because Chen is attracted to white guys. I'm simplifying, but I feel like Andrew. The more time I spend in Blacksburg, the more I hate myself. In other words, I grow more and more prejudice (mayhaps racist) the longer I stay in Southwest Virginia.

I can barely type this entry because the slap in the face by Reality still stings and I'm scared. Through this confusion I can somewhat pinpoint a problem and that problem is my relationship with others. A good majority of the people I spend most of my time with are prejudice (I'm going to avoid the word "racist" because it's too strong of a word for me). I always thought that I was accepting and open-armed toward others. I was. When I accepted those that I associated with, I changed for the worse. Because I've always wanted to "fit in" with the "popular crowd," I accepted my friends blindly. I've been told the best way to make friends is to join a group/organization that I enjoy doing and then eventually, I'll make friends with people who have the same interest. Check, but what I didn't expect was how attached I would become to my friends.

You might say, "Forget those bigots and make new friends." You know that friend in the destructive relationship? I could be an offshoot of that type of friend. Like a vine, I cling onto that which is closest to me and forsake anything else. Like a vine, I only look to ensure my own survival in the forest of vines; the first to reach the sun. In this case, I clung onto my Blacksburg friends and pushed away my Richmond friends to feel like I belonged. I find it extremely hard to express my feelings in person. It's hard for me to even tell my family how I feel about school. I just nod and say, "Yes." I hide behind Facebook and the internet in hopes that the 300-some people I have friended will say something or pay attention to me. I craze the attention like a vine craves the sun. When I don't get it, I become bitter and it's very unbecoming.

If anything, I've brought all of this onto myself. My own fault and no one elses'.

Right now, I have no idea what the future holds. I feel like I'm growing older, but certainly not wiser. Why is it so late that I realize such things? I'm slow and fenced in. I'm one of those people who do things that give immediate gratification. I don't do well in school and I'm surprised I've survived this long even with a year off from school. Two more weeks.

2009-11-26T21:00:00.001-05:00

It is time to drink myself into a stupor and then do it again tomorrow evening.

-Jimmy

No Catchy Title This Time

2009-11-19T13:15:00.002-05:00

I can blow kalamari sized smoke rings. I feel accomplish after giving up cigarettes because I keep the pack and the cigarettes just get messed up. Oy, my lungs! They hurt so good!

One more class and then some more hookah and then I'm going home. I'm excited, which is a change from how I've been feeling the past few weeks. At that time, I stopped taking my medication because I wanted to know what it was like to cry again and I want to be able to deal with Life without the help of medication. The generic Prozac is gone, but the generic um... forgot the name, but it's an anti-anxiety medication. I don't feel so slumpy and lazy when I'm taking my anti-anxiety, which is good. I even got up and did the dishes! My poor roommate had to do the dishes whenever he wanted to cook something. Oops!

I'm sitting at the hookah lounge and just having a grand old time by myself. The atmosphere, albeit lacking in the cute boy department, doesn't disappoint. They were playing some really relaxing music, but I wanted my own music. I love me the Lady GaGa! I can't deny it! I love her so much! Also, I can't wait for Britney Spears' new album to come out. I love her single "3," but I'm pretty sure I'd have the dilemma of having paid for the same song twice and that's a no no.

I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving Break and get a hair cut. My hair is outrageous long and I can't stand it. It's annoying on my ears. I either want it cut short or grow it long like a um... long.

I was about to run into a thought and after watching this clip on Youtube on the Tyra Banks show about an Asian guy, who's a gay activist, my eyes have been opened beyond belief. I'll have to link it (I don't have time to cause I have to leave for class in four minutes). It made me rethink about how I view myself. Surprise. I'll do an entry just about this and my general feelings of where I am in Life.

I know I said that I would probably update about how my day was since the last entry. It wasn't very fun afterwards. I got reclusive and therefore I started taking my anti-anxiety medication again.

Sorry for the sporadic ideas, I have class now.

-Jimmy

I Want Your Love and I Want Your Revenge

2009-11-16T12:35:00.004-05:00

I'm so obsessed with Lady GaGa's new single "Bad Romance." Loooooove it! The music video is poppin' and the beat is just love. I'm sure I've been listening to it for about nintey minutes now. I bought the music video from iTunes; I didn't want to get the single because her new album is dropping the 23rd and I don't want to buy the single and then buy the album and have two of the song. It's a great song, but having two files that are the same is just a waste of money. So I have to wait until the 23rd and it's going to kill me.

Anyway, I loev the music video, too! The whole Russian bath house theme was lost to me, but I understand it after watching it several times. This video is a departure from her earlier, more famous videos. You can see her face and I'm so drawn to the shots in the video where it's just a close-up on her clean face and it looks like she's crying. It's such a pregnant moment.

Change: another entry about it. As I progress down this long road called life, I find that my taste in things are changing. I've always pictured getting married to a blonde, blue-eyed honey. I'm not sure what's going on, but he's turning into a brown-haired cutie. I'm quite positive it has something to do with the cute guy in some of my classes, but curses! he's going to seminary. It's always the religious ones.

I'm also finding that I'm not liking Blacksburg as I used to. I think I'm with this place. I'm ready to graduate and ready to move back to Richmond. Virginia's capital will always be home. This, of course, fucks up any plans I have for wanting to do the masters in education program here at Tech. I don't think I'll be able to survive at Tech any longer. Every semester starts out ok and then halfway through, I feel like the life has been drained out of me. And I feel like I haven't accomplished much. It all feels the same. I'm ready to get a steady job and to live independently.

I'm probably going to update later tonight.

-Jimmy

2009-11-01T16:02:00.003-05:00

What is it that I could have possibly done to deserve what I'm going through now? No one likes my driving and they remind me almost constantly. No one believes I can cook besides microwaving and they flaunt it in my face. They flaunt it by making something completely delicious that I'm smitten with how good it is and then I try to cook and I almost burn the kitchen down. I had total confidence in both my driving and my cooking. Now I feel like I need a superior to tell me what to do. On top of being inept at basic chores, everything somehow ends up my fault. So what if I knew the answer was Waiting to Exhale. It was funny at first when they yelled, "Shut up, Jimmy!" Really, that's the only answer I got correct in this Buzz Words game. It was fun, but there are times I wish I wasn't the one being ratted on constantly. I don't know what I've done. Am I too nice? Apparently I can't be me around anyone besides myself and it hurts. It hurts to know that people look down on me. I'm not smart, I know that. I may not be up to date on politics or know who's who in our government, but I can fucking spell and I know that being racist is so fucking stupid.

Why why why do I have friends who don't like black people, gays, or women? Why? What the fuck is wrong with seeing that they're - I hate it. I fucking hate it. At first I didn't care because nothing offends me. I don't care if people call me faggot or ass pirate. It's just the fucking bigots being ignorant. And how the fuck is me taking a shower twice a day mean anything?! The reason our water bill was so fucking high was because the toilet was leaking! It wasn't because I wanted to be clean. I have a dry scalp and if I don't take a shower or wash it, it gets itchy and I get dandruff and then I get paranoid that people will think I'm dirty because I have fucking dandruff. And why the fuck do I have to have candy thrown at me. I'm not some passive faggot who'll stand for that kind of thing! I'm paying the other half of the fucking rent and bills and I get a fucking Milky Way thrown at me because "I just wanted to throw something at you." Issues, man, issues. Why is that fucking punching bag there!? It's not for decoration! It's ugly as fuck and doesn't match anything in this fucking bland, broken, ghetto ass apartment complex!

I don't know even know where my cigarettes are! Everyone just needs to leave me the fuck alone!

Division

2009-11-01T01:41:00.002-04:00

It seems that I can't get away from the fact that I'm acquainted/friends with people who do not like my other acquaintences or friends. It's like a viscious cycle. The worst part is I'm so attached to everyone that it would be near damn impossible to break ties with any of them. Sure, I don't talk to them very often, but they're still there and available. I've been finding more and more that I need to branch out more with friends. I don't have many gay friends and so it's awkward for me when I come upon a very stereotypical homosexual and I'm so used to being around heterosexuals that at times I don't see a difference between them and me. That of course is the entire purpose of sexuality: it doesn't matter who I love. I feel as if I've dug a trench and I'm just scouting along the bottom of the trenches when I should really by out in the battlefield fighting for what I believe. This is undoubtedly one of the most difficult situations I'll ever be in, aside from the drama of high school.

2009-08-04T14:01:00.004-04:00

I have a lot to talk about because I've done so much over the last couple of weeks. I had a nasty, pink bruise on my left knee from my skating experience. I was getting up on this one knee and I guess it made it all red/pinkish. I also thought I bruise my left toe, but it turns out it was blood and it's now black from the coagulation and I'm scared the nail is going to fall off. Let's see how far back I can remember events without fucking them up, huh?

I went to a skating party and fell a few times. That was fun. Then going out that night was fun too. Nothing too out of the ordinary or noteworthy other than DJs who didn't listen. I went to a traditional, Christian wedding, which was absolutely adorable! I got tipsy at the reception, which happened to be, and I kid you not, a five minute walk from my house. And by tipsy I mean a margarita, two tequila shots and who knows how many coronas! THEN! We all went out and I got a double gin and tonic, a soco lime shot, a jolly rancher shot and then who knows how many bud lights. It was a fun evening. We saw some friends there. I danced a lot and ended up grinding my bum against an armchair because there wasn't a guy I could do that on.

On the topic of said bum rubbing, it was at this point that I decided I needed to get out more in the gay club scene. It finally happened over the weekend. I went to Nations and let me preface this by saying that I've only been to straight bars most of the time I've gone out, so going to a gay club was pretty much a culture shock. I kind of felt out of place and constantly being judged. I had fun because my friend Anthony came along and he introduce me to some of his friends. They even admitted to being stereotypically gay, which was absolutely true. I apologized for not being gay enough, haha! I saw some familiar faces there; some were a surprise, others weren't. Afterwards (meaning closing time), I went with Anthony and his friends to Fielden's. One thing I don't like is the cover charge for gay clubs. Alas, I payed my $10 entrance fee and got an ugly ass stamp on my hand. This place was skeazy, but it's open almost 24/7 so I'm not going to complain and just love it instead. We were there early and we kind of just hung around. Then people from Nations began coming to Fielden's. The DJ played some nice music. We all danced a little bit, but since I hadn't taken my anti-anxiety medication in a couple of days, I didn't feel like dancing by myself. Again, I felt like I was being judged.

I'm not so sure why going to a couple of gay clubs was a culture shock to me. I thought I was gay, but oh my goodness, these gays are literally shooting rainbows out their asses. I felt that 90% of the guys at these clubs were there to hook up; I only wanted to dance and enjoy the company of my friends. There was a guy that wanted to hook up with me. I was just about to leave anyway and he comes to me and says, "Hi." I rejected him and he's all like I know why you come here, it's just to hook up. If I wasn't so tired and just about to leave, there would've been a catfight and I'm pretty sure one of us would've ended up in a jail cell. That made me not like going to gay clubs a bit stronger. I'm definitely willing to do it again. I need a redeeming factor of this lifestyle.

Frustrating Torture

2009-07-03T14:51:00.003-04:00

I think there's a trend and I suspect that trend has something to do with frustration. Yea, that's it. More whining and me complaining.

I hate going to the gym. I know I've lost some weight and gained a wee bit of muscle, but I hate going. There's this trainer there named Will. Yup, you guessed it! I have a crush on him. Just today I saw him in the locker room without his shirt on. I didn't see much cause I was ignoring the fact that he has the body I want and the fact that I'm attracted to him. I found out that he goes to Virginia Tech, too. I wanted to see if my gym had like a fan page or group on Facebook and Will was the second result. The first result was a group for the security of my gym. That was so weird. I see him all the time too! It's all just coincidence. I see him and I think, "Why can't I have his body?" both in the sense of my body looking like his and that his body physically belonged to me because we're dating. Whatever. There's another really cute trainer, but I rarely see him and I know that he did like corps work and I learned from my trainer that he does mixed martial arts. How am I suppose to focus when there are so many cuties around? I'm just glad I didn't get either of them because I would not be able to concentrate.

"Oh, but Jimmy! You can be friends with Will. Strike up a conversation with him!" Fuck you. I'm not doing that and risk wanting him more! Fuck no! I like that I don't know him. If I knew him and his personality, I'm pretty sure I'll want to be with him more. I develop a crush on any guy that's remotely nice to me. "I have a crush on every boy!" It's true! There's no way I'm going there again. I've fallen in love with a straight guy before and there's no way in hell I'm going to do that again. I hurt so much from it. Now he's teaching in Japan and even has a girlfriend from what I gather. He's moved on, but have I? It's uncertain. I'm very grateful for our friendship, it's just my mind is so fucked up, it got in the way.

It's unfortunate that I think this way, but the number one reason I'm going to the gym is so I can become attractive to homosexuals. It's shallow of me and very ignorant of me, but let's face it, it's the fucking truth. Plus, I'm too shy to even start conversation. I have a sheet of paper upstairs in my room about starting and keeping a conversation. I haven't looked at it or practiced it. I'm pathetic that way. The second reason I go to the gym is because it makes my parents happy. They've seen that I've lost weight ever since I came back from school and they're happy. For once, my mother isn't crying because of pity for me; no, they are tears of joy. The third reason is so I can feel comfortable taking my shirt off at gay clubs/bars and dance and have other shirtless guys dance on me too. It's shallow, I know, but I'm not perfect. It's so very unfortunate that I think in this shallow way, but it's how I've been influenced growing up. I watched TV a lot when I was a kid and enjoyed watching Top 20 Celebrity Bodies and stuff like that. Half of the reasons why I like some celebrities is because he's hot. I'm shallow and that's how I am.

2009-06-29T12:48:00.003-04:00

"Don't cry."

I can't think of a title for this entry. I think I'm just over-exhausted. I went camping with my Mom and Dad (of course, Emma came too) over the weekend. It was relaxing and boring at the same time. What I didn't know was that it was Pride weekend. I spent Pride weekend with my parents, heh.

We left real early on Friday morning so I couldn't go to my training session at the gym. It was just a relaxing weekend. I got a lot of sun and I wasn't really used to it. I used protection.

God, I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to update.

The weekend was relaxing for the first day and a half and boring the rest of the time.

Overwhelming Frustration

2009-06-22T15:31:00.003-04:00

Originally written in August.

I've been meaning to update my blog not to inform anyone, but to just get shit off my chest. Between my birthday and Father's Day (one week) much has happened to me and my family. Most of it is mental. I'm not sure I want to even think about all the shit, but I think that writing about it will help me. If not, I need to make a call to my psychiatrist or therapist. I hope my therapist will accept my new insurance...

My birthday was very fun! No lie. I got to reconnect, albeit very little, with a high school friend. My Mom made her infamously delicious eggrolls. I have to say, I must've eaten so many of them that a week's worth of exercising and lifting weights was negated. Later in the evening, we all went to my sister's condo and pre-gamed there before going out. Last year, I think my birthday was a flop because I was with friends who were not twenty-one, yet so there wasn't much we could do and I felt bad for them (on my birthday). Most of my sister's friends, whom I'm mostly acquainted with and for whatever reason now friends with them too, showed up for the pre-gaming. My other sister and brother were there too; even my old high school friend. My brother invited some of his gay Richmond friends along and I'm glad they came out.

The night started out with funny pictures and games of Kings. I'm horrible at this game, but I love it. Then we relocated the party at a place called deLux Lounge. The downstairs was for dining, upstairs was where the music was playing, and the outdoor lounge was closed for some mysterious reason. Not many people were dancing upstairs until we got there. You could say that we brought the party. The night went smoothly and we re-relocated to 3 Monkeys. On the way, we played on the fake polar bear. Apparently I was stumbling so the bouncer wouldn't let me in, but my brother sweet-talked him into letting me in. There wasn't much happening at 3 Monkeys. I saw some high school acquaintances and from what I've been told, 3 Monkeys is the place where all the cute twenty-some year olds hang out. Unfortunately, two Blue Motorcycles were beginning to take their toll on my body and I had to leave early. When I got back to my sister's condo, I had this idea that if I danced enough, the alcohol would get out of my system faster. That's completely a myth, but I like dancing so it was a win situation.

Now for the bad parts. My brother left my other sister at my sister's condo because he had hooked up with this guy who was newly out of the closet. He even came into the condo to get the keys and saw my other sister passed out on the couch. Were I him, I would've taken her home instead of being a selfish bastard. So I'm not really on good terms with him, even though he doesn't know it.

Father's Day was a big shit fest. We wanted to take my Dad out to eat because my Mom didn't want to cook (she cooked on Mother's Day). My other sister insisted that she make these Korean ribs, which will give a top performing athlete high cholesterol with one serving. My Dad called her to ask her to make something else because he wanted to watch his cholesterol. My other sister said that she wasn't going to make anything then. Come Father's Day, my other sister and brother come over to wish him greetings and such. From what I understood, my brother was going to bring a duck from some fancy place in North Carolina. Both show up with nothing. Then I hear that they wanted to go food shopping to cook something. They insisted I go because, and I quote, "There's nothing better to do at home." Excuse me? I have things I can do. I'd rather step in Emma's shit then spend more than an hour with you. Anyway, they were gone for four hours and came back with nothing. They expected my Mom to cook something once she heard that my other sister wasn't going to make anything. Wrong. Wrong. So wrong, it's a fail. Later they asked if we were doing anything for Father's Day (my Dad had to work and came home arond four PM). I said that we weren't and then they left. I probably left out some details, but boy was I mad at those two. Unfortunately, the subject kept on coming up and I kept getting madder.

All this and stacked upon me not seeing any results from working out and getting nowhere in Warcraft just fucked me. I tried to take my mind off it all by watching some porn, but it's just not doing it anymore. Is it possible to be tired of porn? I didn't think it was possible, but now I know it is. I go to the gym every day and I do my routine. Tummy and mini man boobs are still there. My legs are a bit more muscular, but I don't care about them. I care more about my upper body and midsection. I want to fit into my old clothes again cause let's face it, the economy is in the shit, my Mom is jobless, I'm jobless, so buying new clothes that fit is really not something on my To Do list.

I just feel like I'm walking into a wall over and over and over and over again. Don't get me started on me being tired all the time. I thought working out was suppose to give me more energy and be stress relieving? When I work out, I set goals: fifteen reps of the harder activities and twenty for the easier ones. If I can't do it, I'm disappointed in myself. I'm taking my medication so instead of crying, I just sweat. "Breathe in the good; breathe out the bad," only works for five minutes. Not only that, but I'm so disappointed in my brother and other sister! I thought my brother had grown up when he was working in Germany and traveling abroad. He comes back to the US and lives with some college kids in Raleigh. From what I hear, every Sunday is gay night at his place. That's a giant leap backwards from what I had seen. My other sister is just - ugh I can't even find the words to describe it. Coniving? A liar? Both and more.

I feel trapped and the walls are closing in on me. I feel helpless and just fucking frustrated.

Change

2009-06-11T12:28:00.003-04:00

First of all, 6th of June was a fail. I tried posting to Blogger via my phone, but I guess it just fucked up that day. Whatever, I'm not even going to recreate what it said. I'll just leave it for the hell of it.

I'm feeling change and not the Obama kind since I've been working out. There are no physical changes, except in my face (according to my parents). The changes are mental. Before when I use to see an attractive guy either in person or on the internet, I would get giddy and say, "He's so cute!!" Now when I see an attractive guy, I think to myself, "Why can't I look like that?" It's horribly drastic how this turned out. I still love guys, but will they love me? Only time will tell because I've only been working out for about two weeks plus/minus a day or two. Hopefully I'll have a better self image of myself when the fall semester starts. The muscle building seems slow and I'm not sore anymore from doing my work outs. It's probably a good idea to keep taking my Prozac.

2009-06-06T12:29:00.003-04:00

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2009-06-06T12:29:00.001-04:00

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2009-05-07T12:02:00.001-04:00

So much work, yet so little motivation.

2009-04-30T16:05:00.001-04:00

I really would like to masturbate. I need to just jerk it like no tomorrow.

2009-04-22T14:49:00.003-04:00

I'm doing everything I can to avoid writing this paper.

I've set up mobile blogging, so I might be doing more blogging when I don't have my laptop handy. Success, however, I don't think I can put up subjects.

As the first line suggests, I'm procrastinating on writing this four to five page paper for my Greek class. It's a simple paper on critiquing the portrait of Athens and Athenians using Pericles' funeral oration, the Mytilene debate and the Melian dialogue by Thucydides. It's simple indeed, but I'm just lazy and very ready for this semester to end. Right now, I'm sitting in on an Ovid class. They're translating the story of Perseus and Andromeda. I'm obviously not paying attention or I could be. I have a confession to make that I won't make.

My mind is all over the place. I can't even concentrate on having a full entry. I'm not even sure what's going on in this class. Something is happening and I'm just so out of it right now. My brain isn't even working. I think I'm just going through that point in life where I have to push the buttons on this laptop in rapid succession. I think I'm having a sugar rush from the soda I drank earlier. I don't feel right.

Convention

2009-04-03T20:45:00.002-04:00

It looks like I'm at the hookah bar again. I love this place. The atmosphere is very relaxing and the smoke smells good. I finally have a spot in the loung rather than at a table, which is nice for a change. Although, it's still cold when I'm so far away from the door. I think it's because I'm sitting underneath a vent or something. I do regret getting a small hookah cause the smoke isn't as plentiful, but then again, I was only planning on staying here until 9 PM, but it looks like my ride is coming at 10. Oh well, you plan and things change. Things change.

I do need to take my prozac, otherwise I'm going to think that every boy is "significant other" material. I was getting over it as the day went on, but dammit! So many cute boys on this campus.

In other news, I talked with the director of the person in charge of getting my MA and certification for teaching! I'm excited. The only thing that could hold me back is my GPA. I'm very worried about it being so low and I need a 3.0. Yea, my overall GPA is a 2.19. I don't know how that's going to fly. Oh the stress and excitement. Well, I can't let it get me down. The only thing I'm worried about is the money. Sigh.

Inspiration

2009-04-01T20:44:00.005-04:00

I'm lacking a bit of inspiration at the moment. I have a big test tomorrow in a 4000 level art class and well, I have no desire to take in any more information. I'm chilling (literally) at a hookah bar and trying my best to do my homework. At a hookah bar, doing homework? Yes. If I stay in my room, I'll go insane. The crossovers are too crowded to get any work done. The library makes me sleepy. The student center makes me sleepy. The only place I seem to get any work done is the hookah bar. I don't know why. The atmosphere is smoky and there's a constant train of people going in and out. I'm sitting right next to the door so I'm also getting very cold. I really want some company, but everyone I know is either out of town or busy doing their own thing. I'm not sure what I'm even doing besides blowing smoke.

I'm not even sure why I'm updating this blog. I kind of have an idea and it involves my worst downfall: boys. For some reason, I've been a bit sad, despite taking my prozac. Not sure what it is. I think it's a longing for companionship, even when I'm eating with my friends. I think I'm just overworking my brain with school. My only escape would be to pretend and even then it's empty.

I think I'm also in a stump because I can't seem to do anything creative. I've no desire to design any websites, draw, or write short stories or poems. The prozac isn't really helping me keep my mind on any activity. I'm so ready for the workload to just be done, but it's the end of the semester. I have a couple of papers I need to work on. They're simple enough. One involves ancient Greek, which I'm starting to love more than Latin only because of the professor I have for Thucydides. This ancent Greek historian is considered graduate level reading and we're translating at an intermediate level. I do feel accomplished, but my translation is only so-so. I can only understand the text fully after the professor explains it. Another paper I have due involves Dionysos. We're suppose to pick any topic relating to him and do a research paper on it. It's simple, yet I know for certain it's going to take a long time for me to get motivated to do it.

I wish I could get back into blogging regularly, but there's no incentive. I might call it an early night, but damn it's only 9 PM.

Smoking this hookah is relaxing. I take a deep breath and I control my exhale and watch the smoke swirl around me. That's the best part. I could care less for the hookah or the flavor, which is apple by the way. I enjoy the release of the smoke coming from my mouth. I'm still a noob at blowing smoke rings.

Fucking up is what I do best.

2009-03-10T13:37:00.003-04:00

Yup, I fuck up good all the time. So, I had plans to live off campus for the next school year. At the time, I wasn't sure what the plan was. I completed the binding housing contract and a couple of days later I find out the plan for living off campus. Surprise, it's a binding contract I cannot get out of and the only way to is to withdraw from the semester. Life fucking sucks.

Cabin Fever.

2008-10-13T21:31:00.004-04:00

If there's one thing that I've been taught over the past couple of weeks is that I have no life. Sure, I do my work, but only because I'm bored. Hell, I don't procrastinate anymore! I suppose that's a good thing considering the factors. I either get all my work done or just cop out and do the minimum. I'm even giving myself extra work to do!

School is going well. The one thing I hate is this room. It's so fucking empty and it feels like I'm in a prison with the ugly ass white cinderblock walls. Since I went home last week, I didn't see any necessity in going home for my fall break, which was just Friday off. I'm thinking I should've gone home cause then at least I would've had TV or Emma to play with. All I did for three and a half days was do homework and even then, it was just the work for Monday. That's not saying much, but damn I was so fucking bored over the weekend. I did watch some movies with a friend and that was fun, but once I got back to my room, I just went bananas. Fuck, I'm going bonkers now! The boredom hurts more than tearing out a fresh suture. Well, I don't know how much that would hurt, but I just wanted to use the word, "suture," at least once. Hehe!

Fuck this.

Boredom Without the Sex and Sweat.

2008-09-14T22:04:00.003-04:00

God, I hate the weekends. I have nothing to do! Homework? I have time before class and I usually get it done early or I can always just do it at sight or just bullshit my way.

I'd be lying if I said I was okay. I haven't been able to play a pick up game of volleyball since ever. I had a chance, but others got there before I could. I played tennis alone. I can only handle so much practicing my serve.

Over the week, I went to a couple parties, one on Thursday and then Friday. I really enjoyed the social atmosphere. Bah, I feel like a third wheel.

I don't think I'm cut out for VA Tech and/or Blacksburg. I miss home too much and all I've done all day was sleep.

I hate this entry. I don't even know why I'm bothering. No one reads this anyway.

2008-09-08T21:02:00.003-04:00

I'm so frustrated, I can't think straight in order to have a coherent entry.

Sweat, Boredom, Sex?

2008-08-31T22:33:00.004-04:00

The title is catchy, no? Or should it say, "Sweet Boring Sex?" IDK. LAWL I sed "IDK!" Okay, I'll stop.

Today was in between productive and just fucking boring. Last night, I fell asleep at twelve, I think. I woke up to take a shit and it's around 7 AM at this time. I get back into bed and guess what? You'll never guess! I couldn't get back to sleep. SURPRISE! I had way too much going through my head: 1) my eyes were open for more than five minutes, 2) I was waiting for e-mails from the contact person for both the Tennis Club and Volleyball Club, but only one decided that I was worth the time to whatever, 3) I was ultra excited about the prospect of group exercise classes. I know, right!

So my body and mind decided I didn't need anymore sleep and I got up and thought, "It's Sunday morning. People went out last night. They'll be too hungover to go to the gym!" So I got ready, i.e. put on a hat & deodorant, and got to the gym with no one there! Yay! It's sad when the girls in there are lifting heavier weights than you could wish you could hoist. Also, I had no clue what I was doing! Sure, I read all the instructions. As is tradition, I played with the settings of the strider machine during my program and well I had to start all over again. I'm a klutz AND and ditz! I'm a - you can't put those two together. I was in the gym for about an hour. I did some cardio running and then lifted some weights! I'm not sore, yet, but I'm sure I will be tomorrow.

After that nice wake up routine, I went to the computer lab, to see if by chance I got an e-mail from either clubs I was talking about earlier. Voila! I have! "Can you come out tomorrow at 9 AM?" I look at the date of the e-mail and "tomorrow" is TODAY and the fucking time is 8:40 AM! I don't have a racket! I don't have any tennis balls! What do I do? I go anyway and mooch off the president of the Tennis Club. Haha! He was nice! We warmed up and well, I suck. After I lost a tie breaker 7 - 1, I was thinking, "In order to salvage any confidence I have in my abilities as a tennis player, I'm going to need to stop." These guys trying out were intense! I told the president that the Club was above my level and thanked him and such.

After that, I was like, "Intramurals! Watch out! Here I come!" I went straight to the computer lad and signed up for tennis. I have plans to sign up for intramural volleyball when I can. While I was in the lab, I had heard about group exercise classes, which were free the first week of classes, but I didn't figure that out until like now. I signed up for an all year pass and for any of the classes and I even make a nifty spreadsheet of the exercise classes and my academic classes! I feel special! I looked at the exercise classes and chose the dancing ones. SURPRISE! I think I also have pilates and yoga planned. I have other exercise classes too, but I forgot what they are. I figure that since I'm very shy and awkward at the gym alone, I can be shy and awkward at an exercise class! I can't wait to dance!

Now, all of this entry may seem long, but other than what went through my head, that's all I fucking did. I saw a pick up game of volleyball, but they were already six-on-six and I didn't want to mess up the teams or do this rotate in/out shit, so I sat there and watched the cute shirtless boys slam that volleyball into the sand. I think I'm slowly picking up on technique when I'm watching these people play. Heck, I went online to like the official volleyball website of the world or something and I read up on how to spike and serve and all that jazzy stuff. Eventually, I left because they played another game and then later on, most of them left to eat or some shit. Oh well. I believe that the higher powers decree I only get a certain amount of exercise per day! I got my exercise in the morning and then that's it! What bullshit. Whatever. I didn't feel like doing my homework cause my brain is just not with it. During the tennis try outs, I was like zoning out. Of course it didn't help that I was at the gym for an hour beforehand, but I'm not one to complain. Or am I? Mwahaha!

I did mean to talk about sex, but I'm going to bed instead cause let's face it, wet dreams are better than nothing at all! I haven't masturbated in over a week!!!

humming Long, Long Time Ago from Pan's Labyrinth

2008-08-27T20:03:00.004-04:00

Okay so I lied about updating about yesterday! You really shouldn't expect much from me. Meh! (That's me sticking my tongue out at you.)

My classes are all good. I'm definitely going to have to put a lot of effort into it and be on my toes (hence the shoe icon [YEA HENCE!]). I'm not perfect at translating ancient Greek and Latin, but then again no one is. I did slack a little bit on my first ancient Greek homework, which was taken up, but I swear to higher powers that I could not get my brain to transcribe English into ancient Greek. It just would not come out! My Latin classes are good. I know for a fact that I'm going to be expected to do more than what's assigned from my teachers. I think I'm at that point where I'm past veteran status in the system most classical teachers here at Tech use. In ancient Greek, I'm definitely intermediate/beginner because of the fact that I haven't had as much ancient Greek as I have had Latin. I finished my fifth year of Latin my senior year in high school, so I definitely have some experience. I better not slack this year!

Those are my ancient courses, designated by a maroon spiral notebook & folder combination and the letter stickers spelling "ancient" on the spiral. My, what I consider, "modern" courses are designated by a black spiral notebook & folder combo and stickers spelling "modern." Gosh, I'm predictable. Anyway, my modern classes are Art History and Greek (modern, everyday, spoken). I'm not sure how I'll do in my art history course. The professor said that it's the hardest introduction class at Tech. I believe her! We have just a semester to cover so much information. Just reading the first chapter, which was twenty-three pages WITH pictures, already bombarded me with information and yea, higher powers help me, dates. It is a history course so dates are expected. I have a system, but I'm going to need note cards, which are at home. Greek is also a bombardment, but it's spoken Greek! I have to do pages five and six in our workbook, but I have no idea what it's saying or what it wants! I can read Greek aloud fairly easily, but I have no idea what the words mean! Some words I can understand, but then you always have your you-cannot-draw-any-connections-between-me-and-English words. Those are the kickers of my ass. So I'm going to have an empty workbook tomorrow in class. We just went over the alphabet and read some words in Greek and that's it! The workbook is asking questions and we have to answer, all of this in Greek by the way. Hopefully everyone else will have the same problem. Haha! I'm a bastard!

You never realize how much you miss home until someone else says it. I knew that I missed home and Emma, but it didn't go "SMACK!" until I called my mom and she asked if I missed home. Yea. Luckily, I had forty milligrams of Prozac(R) today, so I'm not in my bed crying! Instead, I'm at the computer lab typing this entry and trying not to fall asleep. I do want to go to sleep though and it's only 8:24 PM! I woke up about twelve hours ago and I have to be awake in twelve hours. Funny how that works. I'm totally getting off subject. Haha! I meant to talk about missing my dog and home! I had a dream last night and it was at our house. Emma is running through holes in the fence with the dog next door and just running around. For some fucking reason, I'm mad at my family! I don't know why! I just yell at them. I mean, we're just in the kitchen making food for a party I think and I'm just blasting at them! I know what Freud would say. "You are just releasing any anger and aggression you have building inside of your unconscious mind, and those naughty dreams you've been having are completely natural since you have no outlet for your sexual energy," all of which is in a German accent by the way because it's just that much cooler with an accent.

Postponement.

2008-08-25T20:24:00.002-04:00

I will update morrow about how my classes are going. I'm just waiting for our hall meeting at 10 PM, which is way late. That's like my bedtime and I have about ninety minutes to kill and no one's playing volleyball! I'm on a vball kick right now. My arms and legs are sore, but I wanna plaaaay! I might buy two balls, one that glows and just a regular one. People like playing at night a lot especially with a ball that blends in with its surroundings. Ouch.

I do want to point out that Paris Hilton is like mad popular when it comes to spam mail.

Ouch.

2008-08-24T21:11:00.002-04:00

I've had a very long Sunday, but it was totally worth it. I woke up at around 9:30 AM and dropped my glasses case. I'm awesome clumsy (can't help it. the girl can't help it. can't help it. the girl can't help it) that way. I played around on the internet for a bit after getting ready and such. Nothing to report other than enabling mobile application for Facebook. I got a rumbly in my tummy, but it was only slight so I made my way to Owens food court here on campus.

It's so hard to decide what to eat at these places! First, there's the smell of the food, which is so enticing, but there is, however, a long ass line of people waiting for that delicious aroma. Do I stand in line or find a shorter line? Like many impatient people, I look for a shorter line. Many times I'll just wait it out, but I wanted to healthy. I saw the salad bar! Ding! Perfect! I got myself a nice mixture with Italian dressing. Now, I'm not a big fan of Italian dressing, but the damn sign said it was Caesar dressing! I didn't realize it was Italian until way later. I wanted to get some dessert type thing, but I settled for some macaroni salad sans any taste, but pasta. I got my food to go and went to the Drillfield. It was such a nice day today! Nice and breezy and not too cold in the shade either. I put on my headphones and listened to the melodic voice of Miss Bedingfield. Ah, it was so relaxing and just peaceful. I took a couple of pictures of the surrounding area, but I don't have my transfer cord so that'll have to wait.

After I ate, I just sat there and people watched, which I LOVE doing! It's been like eons since I've been on campus and let me tell you! There are so many attractive boys on this campus, I can't help but stare! Don't get me wrong! The links to the right of this blog is filled to the top and more of pictures of the beautiful male physique, but nothing compares to that than seeing it in the flesh and candid! I just love that. I did notice that a lot of people where making their way to Burruss Hall and I got nervous that there might be a meeting that I was suppose to attend, but it was just a welcoming thing.

I think after people watching I went back to my dorm or something, but I'm not sure. What I know is that I watched some people play volleyball in the Ambler-Johnston beach vball court. I was too shy to ask if I could join so I just watched. Then a few minutes later, while I was spacing out, the people asked me to join them! How nice! I was spacing out and did not have my headphones on, so I must've looked dumb when they asked me to play. I think I did well for not having played in a lot of time. Plus, these people were much better at vball than I am. I did scrape my right knee pretty badly, but no blood was gushing so I was fine. After about a couple or less hours of the sun beating on us, we stopped.

I went to my room to clean up my ashy legs (OH THE HORROR!) and put a bandage on my boo boo. My roommate asked if I was going to the Hokie Spirit Picnic, but I told him I didn't have plans for it. It's kind of boring and I wanted to play more vball. I should have invited him to come play too, but he doesn't play sports. I do feel kind of bad though cause he looks angry now. This all meaning he's also in the computer lab and when I got back to the room later this evening, he did look pissed. I think his social life is as broad as mine and that's not saying much. Plus, he slept in really late and didn't shave until after I got back from my first session of vball, I think. I don't remember.

I wasn't sure what to do about the picnic and I wasn't going to go back to the room to just sit there. I put on some comfy mesh shorts and sat outside and watched the people go to the picnic. Lots of eye candy, I loved it! Once the flow of people slowed down, I went to the Squires Student Center to my absolutely favorite dining place, Au Bon Pain (it's French). I got my traditional whole sandwich, a sweet cheese danish, and a blueberry muffin. I washed it all down with a cold bottle of Dr. Pepper. Hmmm... I love it! I had food coma syndrome afterwards. I'm surprised I was able to walk. While I was at Squires, I dropped by the LGBTA Resource Room, but it was renovating and no one was there, so I couldn't talk to any gays. Such is life, but there's a grand opening this Friday.

Like I said, I was deep in a food coma and I was surprised I made it back to my dorm, which is probably a ten to fifteen minute walk. I was actually planning on playing some billiards, but when I got to the game room, there were the balls, but no sticks. I was really looking forward to wrecking the green felt on that pool table. An alternative? I went to the vball court! There were only two people there just playing around. They looked like they play vball competitively. One of them had his shirt off. I saw with my back to them cause I didn't want to look stalkerish. I really wanted to, but that's risking it. The Hokie Spirit Picnic ended or people decided to leave early. Some people came by and they started playing. I was ready to play, but I was still in my food coma and I was nervous about joining a really hot guy! Anyway, more and more people came and eventually they had too many. They played King of the Court (Mountain) and after awhile I hopped in. My only regret was that I didn't introduce myself.

What I should've done the FIRST time was make friends cause they invited me to play. I was hoping those same people would be here, but it was just the two people. We played a fun round robin type King of the Mountain form of volleyball! I didn't so so well cause I was hurting from the previous game and well, I scraped my right foot and started bleeding. Oops! I did it again! Eventually, some people left and some came in and we played teams and rotating players in and out. My side kept losing cause the other side had a professional vball player and they were well-coordinated. Our side was mostly people like me, haha! We can do well, but only for a few shots. I played until it ended with a game of four on four. It was about 8:30 PM when everyone had to go. Turns out I'm the only non-freshman. Well, that's what I get for staying on campus. One of the guys looked like an old high school acquaintance. He even asked me my major! He's cute too. I don't remember his name though. Oh well, I hope they'll be coming around Ambler-Johnston more often. I really had fun playing volleyball, but man I'm going to be so sore for the next few days! It was all worth it though. So worth it!

Final Destination: VA Tech

2008-08-23T12:20:00.005-04:00

Mini boobies to your left! If I looked like that, I'd be a stripper cause then I wouldn't have to work in retail or nothing!! Also, I'm very clever with journal titles.

I arrived at my dorm at the lusciously green campus of Virginia Tech on Friday. It was such a nice and breezy day. Couldn't have asked for a better day to move in all four boxes of stuff I had! Compared to everyone else, I have like zilch. I went minimalist this year. I remember my first year almost having everything I owned from my house including my clothes and I had a lot of clothes that year! I had this big ass desktop that I took home every few weeks. I was an idiot. I was on the fucking fourth floor! I needed it all though. Man, just install the toilet in that room and I was set to never leave that room! I didn't even have a roommate that first semester, which was awesome. Then I got one that had phone sex while I was trying to sleep, hence my phobia of a chronic masturbating roommate.

The campus looks different too! Since there were so many freshmen this year, they had to bunk some in the study rooms. Lucky me I got a regular room. My roommate is cool. He's like the me I would be if I went into mechanical engineering! He's as social as I am, which isn't saying much, but we get along. I'm still having a bit of a hassle trying to put myself out there and to make friends. These first few days before classes are going to be a struggle. I'm really depending on my classmates for social interaction. Good or bad thing? I don't know.

I know for a fact that I'm getting quite a work out just walking everywhere! That is good. I think in these last two days I've done more exercising than I have ever done all year! Well, that's exaggerating it a bit, but it's very close!

Hum hum hum. I want classes to start now so I have something to do. I do need to get an ID holder cause my mini man purse and zipping, "It's a big" wallet is a hassle, especially since all the dorms are locked and need my Hokie Passport for every entry.

Special Olympic Edition

2008-08-20T20:39:00.005-04:00

I'm lying. I'm just going to take this time to highlight a cutie. Below is American diver Thomas Finchum. I totally thought he was like fifteen and felt bad that I was like drooling over him. I didn't post a picture of him because well I thought he was fifteen. GOOD NEWS! The boy is nineteen and has a lisp. My fingers are crossed he plays for my team!

Hubba hubba hot damn! I'm such a cradle robber.

Okay, while you're oogling at Mr. Finchum there, I'm going to do a well-thought out post. It'll be ready in like never probably!

The days have been dragging on and on and on and on. I'm also feeling the need to be creative. I haven't done much writing since my summer class and I feel like the creativity is just oozing out my ears. I've been trying to get my juices going someplace at this forum called PokePlushies. I know I know. I'm a big ass dork. I like Pokemon, shut up! I mean, I even have the pets I've adopted underneath the hot All American Guy guy! Yup, Pokemon and hot guys. That's all I am! Anyway, the forums have a roleplaying section. There isn't much to say other than that there have been times I've wanted to smash my head against the platen glass of a laser copier (cue the dorky "Taking Care of Business" song). I know I'm roleplaying with like twelve year olds, but I'm not going into the romantic aspect of life. I'm keeping that for the kiddies. The majority of them do one liners! They think that roleplaying on a forum is the same as in a chat room. WRONG! The message board format serves to archive any activity. You don't need to reply/post after every post! And for the love of my sanity! Use fucking correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar!! You won't believe all the shitty one sentence posts I've read. I mean shitty. Worse than shitty! I mean I'd rather watch my dog's poop dry in the sun than read some of the bullshit excuses for sentences, all while getting bitten by mosquitoes. Ugh!

I'm slowly waiting for Friday when I move into my dorm and meet my roommate in person! I'm so excited for that and for classes to start. It's like starting fresh!

Oh I finally have a radio. My car has a radio, but the antenna is broken so the reception is shit. I've just been listening to CDs I've burned and bought. Now that I have a working radio (it's a clock/radio for the iPod) I'm actually exposed to the hit music of todays rocking things! Miley Cyrus... Just stop. The song is catchy, but the fact that it's Cyrus makes me depressed. Please? Just stop? Please, for the sake of my ears. Oh! And what's with Rihanna releasing "Good Girl Gone Bad" and then releasing TWO awesome songs not on that album, huh?! I bought it before she decided that Jay-Z or whoever wanted to remix it and add "Take a Bow" and "Disturbia." Just rape my bank account, won't you! I'm totally straight-crushing on Jordin Sparks though! "One Step at a Time" is just amazing! Love it love it love it!!

OK I'm done. *scrolls up and oogles at Finchum's bulge* OH SHIT!

I Wanna Have Your Babies!

2008-08-12T12:33:00.006-04:00

I will get to the subject of this post a bit later with a special 2008 Summer Olympics Extravaganza complete with pictures of men I want to have babies with!

I have to say that today is such a beautiful day here in my hometown of Richmond, Virginia. It's hot, but not humid "oh dear higher powers the mosquitoes are eating me alive" weather. The wind is blowing lightly and it feels good to be on the porch underneath cooling shade and watching the white butterflies just flutter about the yard. Heck, I'm wearing sweat pants I got on sale from Old Navy and a black shirt. That's just asking for heat exhaustion. Anyway, the garden my mom and dad maintain is growing strong. The weather has been a bit harsh so we don't have many crops, but we do have way too many cucumbers. I still need to do my laundry cause my clean panties are running low. Alas, I ramble!

The newest installment of Mores for Gays with Daniel Leary got me thinking. What would it be like to be a part of a "gay fraternity?" The video blog has Leary asking what it's like in a gay fraternity. It's a very interesting look into what is thought of mostly as a heterosexually dominated community. The emphasis of a fraternity is brotherhood. The word is derived from the Latin frater, meaning "brother." For anyone looking to kill his/her brother, you're going to commit fratricide. There's your lesson for the day! The video blog about a gay fraternity was an interview between Leary and two members of Delta Lambda Phi [national website]. I never really thought that a fraternity was for me because of well all the stereotypes and such, but what really piqued my interest in DLP (I'm too lazy to go into using Symbols) was there "Hands Off" rule. DLP exists for gay men, bisexuals, and progressive men to form life long friendships rather than a treasure cove of finding the perfect soulmate. This particular chapter from UCLA has a "No Ex" dating rule, which I believe is good since it keeps the drama llama at bay or perhaps in the desert, depending on where you want the metaphor to go.

I went to their national website and looked for any chapters near VA Tech. It's a tie between the one in D.C. and the one in Raleigh, NC, both of which are a rather taxing drive on the gas spending allowance. Then I thought, "Why not try and start one at Tech?" At this very moment, I really want to do something to help others and be a mentor to them. Mentoring is a central part of DLP and that's another thing that really got me interested in this national organization. And a few minutes later, I sent in a request for information for starting a chapter/colony! I think it'll be a great leadership experience if anything. Not just to go with DLP, I'm going to e-mail an old acquaintence soon about any gay-friendly fraternities at my university. This acquaintence has many connections and I'm most positive he was in a gay-friendly fraternity.

Onto the Olympics! I love it! I'm routing for Italia for men's football. I believe they have the ability to win a gold, even against the hard hitting Brazilians. My long lost love of volleyball has been reborn in the form of beach volleyball. I tried watching the hard floor Vball games and it was just too busy. I prefer the two-man games cause there's action, but you see what's happening and I think it requires more strategy.

Back to football! The poor poor USA! Their game against the uh... other team. They tied, but I say that's better than a loss. Or maybe it's worse? I don't know. I'm just getting into sports. Anyway, I was watching the US footballing their way and during the last twenty or so minutes of the game, they show shots of number two. Here's the kicker! The number two was coming off the jersey like it was an iron-on!! An iron-on! I think I about died laughing so hard. I love the US, but oh that was just too good to not talk about! Oh those Italians are so intense! And with those barely visible tattoos, it makes you want to rip off their clothing to find more tattoos!

Gah, I'm all over the place! Michael Phelps is doing awesome and props to his gold medals! That man is going to make history and he's my age! But damn he eats a cow for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't forget the calves he eats for snacks! Anyway, I'm totally crushing on Todd Rogers, men's beach volleyball (I bet you didn't see that coming!). He's got that beard and the fact that he's called the Professor is just plain sexy. Now, I'm totally crushing on jailbait Thomas Finchum. Damn, that kid looks better than so many people. The speedo DOES NOT help when it comes to enjoy the majestic sport of diving. He's got such a cute smile and I swear he has a slight swish in his hips when he's walking toward the edge of that platform. Swoon!

Anyway, here's a picture of Todd Rogers! It's not a picture of the Olympics. It was on some biography page or something like that.

Yum-o!!!
Photo credit to Getty Images.

2008-08-10T20:40:00.002-04:00

I don't have the motivation to write about my weekend and the first couple days of the Olympic Games. I had a fun weekend because I got to do something other than sit on my ass in the same spot and gosh even have this laptop turned on. It was a nice break.

Apparently I'm hooked on the Olympics. Who wouldn't be? Hot guys plus humid conditions equals a very excited homo.

2008-08-07T21:57:00.003-04:00

I am most positive that my dog loves my mom more than me. I'm only just her back scratcher when she wants it. She hates it when I get too close to her. I have to maintain a twelve inch distance from her in order to scratch/pet her. Many a time, she'll get up and lie down somewhere else.

For once, I want to drink and not remember a damn thing.

Quickie!

2008-08-05T12:51:00.002-04:00

I have a LiveJournal account, but I don't update it like at all. I think it's too much of a hassle to update two journals. I might've already did my rant about LJ, but some people I know are on there, so I have an account to read their journals. It's pink!

Soul Eater Episode 17

2008-08-04T13:36:00.003-04:00

We'll get to the title of this post later, I promise!

A facet of my life involves Japanese animation, commonly referred to as anime. I've been to a few anime conventions, but my interest in them is gone because of the dedicated anime fan, also known as an otaku. I don't want to get into that. Let's just say they're mostly kids or act like kids. I feel that I've matured to a point where I see this is as, you guessed it, childish! It's a wonder I'm alive with this much thinking I do!

Much of the time, I just watch anime. I prefer Japanese cartoons over American because anime addresses more mature themes. Many American cartoons involve... I really don't know. You can just look up Cartoon Network and Toon Disney for what Americans believe to be cartoons. I like some American cartoons such as, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Laboratory, and X-men, among some others I'm too brain dead to name.

At the moment, my favorite series are Bleach, Naruto: Shippuuden, Nabari no Ou, and Soul Eater. The newest episodes of each of these anime came out last week. I don't watch Bleach, but I do read the manga, the comic version.

I just got around to watching Soul Eater episode 17. For any fans of Soul Eater, heed my plea! There are spoilers to this episode in this post. So stop reading unless you want to retain your sanity and not watch it. I have to say that this was the most worthless episode ever. I can only call it filler. No, it doesn't even belong in the same category as "filler." Filler is just bullshit and does nothing for plot. This episode was all about Excalibur. You know, that annoying white big nose thing with a cane? Yup, every second was dedicated to this characters rambling about nothing. I don't even know why the animators even put in a clip of the main characters after a full meal or even in class waiting for their teacher. They did nothing! Apparently Death the Kid impregnated Medusa. Okay, there was absolutely nothing in episode 16 that comes close to indicating that Kid was anything/anywhere near and/or associated with Medusa. I really can't believe that this shit even happened. At least it had a preview of the next episode, which looks promising. It better be awesome cause I really want the twenty-four minutes I wasted watching this shitty episode. Fuck Excalibur! God the only thing that made me mildly interested was the homosexual tendency of this annoying white fuck say that he's in love with Author and only Author. Sure he tries to hook up with girls, but they don't complete him. Apparently this annoying pervert likes poking at big jubblies with his cane. I don't even want to get into it.

I felt for the student that was looking for Excalibur. Ox Ford, and yes that's his name, is a weapon meister and was searching for this fucking character thinking of getting glory and all that involves that shit. Throughout the entire episode, I felt just like Ox Ford. The only - ONLY - redeeming part in this entire episode was when Excalibur was at a bar and having a drink shaken for him. He says, "Shake it good, boy," and the bartender basically convulses with these weird ass shakings of the drink mixer. I will say that I laughed out loud, but then I cried later on as I lost brain cells watching the rest of the episode.

I'm done. If I dwell any more on this shitty episode, I'll die. Srsly.

Fried Spam.

2008-08-02T11:20:00.002-04:00

From my spam box in gmail. I think Jesus is trying to tell me something. The fact that I'm Asian too. Man, I do love my wife, but my penis is so small. What should I do, Jesus? What should I do?

This one is just retarded. Really? Reginald Arizona variety! I've always wanted that kind!

Guilty Pleasures.

2008-07-31T19:41:00.004-04:00

I have to go in order! It's not OCD because I don't obsess over it, but I really must go in order!

I gave Never Back Down four out of five stars. I know I know. The plot was mediocre, I guess. Well, I wasn't really paying attention to the plot, but I wish the mother played a more significant role other than a flashback. I think the acting was rather good. It's no Fight Club, but plays on the general theme of fighting. Sean Faris' performance at times seemed forced; he really seems natural when he's giggling and happy and playing around. I don't like Faris when he's brooding. He's hot, but brooding is a no no! Speaking of hot, the only reason I wanted to watch Never Back Down was for Sean Faris and Cam Gigandet and the fighting. I'm a fan of mixed martial arts. Matthew Mullins is the sole reason I love it! Anyway, I really enjoyed the movie! Besides my small qualm over Faris' brooding moments, I think all the characters were portrayed well! Djimon Hounsou delivers the best performance, in my opinion. You get a feeling of his character and his decisions. Plus, that little gray on his chin is sexy! Cam's character (Ryan McCarthy) as the cocky ass is so hot! I never wanted to root for the antagonist, but this one is a keeper! The ending was a bit out of no where though. If you watch the movie and really focus on Ryan, I don't understand why he would act the way he did in the ending. You don't really get that part of Ryan from the movie, until the very end. Oh well, if there's one thing I learned from watching Never Back Down is that violence is OKAY as long as the fighters are fucking sexy. Throw in a fugly and violence is taboo! A big ass "THANK YOU" to Netflix for getting the movie to me on the day of the release of the DVD! Haha!

In other news, I was doing my (twenty times) daily check of gay news! First let me say that I'm a huge fan of Andy Towle, not because he's hot (that's a lie!), but because he's done so much! His blog Towleroad is very popular. I thought I'd give my reactions and thoughts on some of the stories I ran into today. My gay news blogroll consists of "Towleroad," "Queerty," and "afterElton.com's" blog. Some repeat themselves, but that's ok. I had to break out the Stickies application on this Mac so I could remember what I wanted to say!

The first story I stumble upon is this: Vatican Official Urges Anglican Biships: Condemn Homosexuality. Now I don't really have much to say other than the fact that I thought it said, "Condom Homosexuality," which would explain why I was dumbfounded for quite some time. This is what happens when you blogroll after Never Back Down!

Oh get over yourself, Guy Ritchie! You marry the most popular and celebrated artist and then break up and then say that her album is like sugar cause "Sugar kills. Think of the calories in sugar. Fat kills more people than anything else. Sugar is responsible for a lot of deaths, arguably more than crack cocaine." I think someone has had a bit too much coke himself. A man with balls would've said that her new album could use some work or isn't true to Madonna or some fucked up bullshit, but comparing it to crack cocaine and sugar cane? Bitch, you best step off the edge of the Earth! If you don't like her new album, say something else about it other than that piece of shit. Guy, you were always hot in my eyes, but now you're ugly. No one says that about an album that I proudly bought from iTunes and play almost incessantly, to the bane of my family members!

Good news for me! I can get married in Massachusetts! No! It's great, awesome, splendid, super-duper news not just for me, but for everyone!! Think of the money I'll save by traveling to Massachusetts instead of California! I could use that for pink things! Although, I would prefer to get married in California on the beach or something. Now all I need is a steady boyfriend who's willing to marry me. Put that down on the long-term check list. Fuck the marriage part, I need a boyfriend first (well, a social life, but we're not getting into that).

For some reason, I have "Marco Dapper" as down for my next point, but I can't find whatever it is that I need to link to! Oh well, just google the hottie and you'll find out what I mean. He's fucking hot, which is a total understatement. Oh, he was in that movie Eating Out 2 and oh I remember now! He's in the latest issue of reFresh magazine. I don't think it's at B&N, yet so I'm just going to chill or go to that bookstore every day until I find it.

"Me love you long time." This phrase is up for some debate. Apparently, some people find the line to be racist. The original line is said by a Vietnamese prostitute to an American in Full Metal Jacket. Now, I don't get offended like at all. I can certainly see some hype it can cause in the Asian community. It's tantamount to the word "nigger." Is it racist? I surely don't think so. Some argue that it's satire. Satire or no, I'm perfectly fine with saying, "Me love you long time," and having it said to me. People say that it plays on the Asian stereotype of bad English and also indicates that the one saying the phrase is a whore or a prostitute. I say it's anyone's perogative! Say what the fuck you want to say, but since people are so sensitive, you have to consider who you're saying anything to. We're so PC these days. Why can't I just say, "black" or "white"?

Excuse me while I stare at pictures of hunky men!

Not Enough Time.

2008-07-30T20:10:00.002-04:00

First of all, I have two brand new sets of icons to use for my blogger posts! The cutesy cartoony ones are from Ragnarok Online, an MMORPG. The big-breasted ones and awesome pretty artist are all done by Hyung-tae Kim, aka HTK, hence the folder name. Now, I have a J.Crew one! I love J.Crew! Their catalog came in the mail the other day. While I'm flipping through it, I see pictures of hot guys and decide to scan them for immortality! Anyway, since I'm awesome at cropping 100x100 pixel images, I thought I'd do these. Plus I have REAL crotch shots of guys! Homos: one. World: three.

There is nothing better than sitting down after a wonderful din din with a cup of water (should be wine, but we're not going to do that), a bar of Hershey's, and blogging! Of course, I feel bad about eating the chocolate in front of my precious Emma! I will only enjoy it a little bit.

I'm finally done with my summer class! The final wasn't at all bad. I was done in the allocated time and I'm confident in my work. I got to write about how to survive a zombie attack. I wrote in second person and made you into a Pop-Tarts addict. Suck my cock, you love Pop-Tarts! Also got to write about snow falling from the point-of-view of an eight year old. I got that down.

I'm very excited about going back to VA Tech! I'm nervous about my roommate, but I'm optimistic, sort of. I have this rabid fear that my roommate will be a chronic masturbator. It's so bad that he does it in front of me! I know I know. You're probably thinking, "Just suck it!" Well, I would, but I'm not going to make the roommate situation awkward. That's my only fear. Oh, I've made a resolution to be more social in my dorm. Instead of doing my homework in my room (well, because roommate is masturbating), I'll do it in the common area where there's a lot of traffic. Yeah yeah yeah! And play ultimate frisbee. West AJ Floor Three FTW, bitches! Apparently I'm adamant about an ultimate frisbee team of the people on my floor. Speaking about dorm stuff, I got my linens in the mail! You're asking, "What the fuck?" but hear me out. I get this package thing in the mail and it has this deal: $170.00, FREE SHIPPING and I get like all my linens and then some. My mom was a bit sad we didn't that before. Gosh, we would've spent $170 on just like the comforter alone. We saving ourselves some cash! Oh shit! I just raised the roof and the blinds behind me aren't closed, mother of pearl!

Where was I? Ah! I'm also resolving to be more social with my classmates! According to messages on my Facebook account, they miss me! I feel bad I don't miss them, but I do now! Some of them went to study abroad in Greece and others where I went when I went abroad, those bastards! Get this! No pictures of hot European men! What the shit? You go all the fucking way over there and don't enjoy the male populace? Who doesn't do that? Okay, lesbians and straight guys, whatever.

Ah, while I have Europe in my head, I'm planning on taking French. For some fucking reason, everyone needs to take Italian so they can survive a semester at Ticino, Switzerland. Pussies! I have the connection of getting force-added, but even then, there's a waiting list. So I'm just going to say, "Fuck it!" and take French. Hopefully, there's still room. If not, I'm going to flip a shit and like take Russian just for the hell of it. I'm already taking Latin and Ancient Greek. I want to be able to speak another language. I don't speak Latin or Ancient Greek and I'm not going to get into the whole scheduling debacle of conflicting language classes! I need more chocolate because I'm very angry about it.

Before I forget, I'm totally going to be working out while I'm at Tech too. Bye bye, tummy! You've been good, but you have to be flat. Sorry!

Oh oh oh oh! Music alert! Everyone must check out Eric Himan, now! He's an out singer/songwriter and his songs are great! I love it! It took a couple of listens to get used to his voice, but once you do and you have a picture of him on your desktop, you'll fall madly in love. I highly recommend his "Resonate" album. I haven't listened to his older songs because I'm poor and those sound clips from iTunes don't do justice to the song in its entirety.

I think I'm going to give up trying to draw and just take up writing. I try and try to draw, but I get discouraged because my pieces of ass look nothing like the experts on deviantART, where ART meets application! I figure I'm better at writing anyway. Hell, I might even write some fan-fiction! I'm totally into Naruto: Shippuuden and Nabari no Ou and Soul Eater. Mix all those into one mash up and you have my fantasy world. Oh and add little bit of Bleach. HAHA! I'm so witty!

Overall, I'm doing very well!

2008-07-29T22:29:00.002-04:00

I promise to have an update tomorrow. I had to do like all my laundry today.

Little Boy Blue.

2008-07-23T20:02:00.003-04:00

I have so much I need to talk about. I'm so stressed right now.

I had my final class of the summer. Next Monday, I have my final exam, which I have to prepare for. I also have an analysis paper to do that counts on the exam. Oh and I've got a dog that's itchy. This is no normal itching though. She's licked her leg so much that she's red and there's no hair. I don't think she's self-mutilating because she has all the attention in the world and a great backyard to run around in, so the owners would think. Does she know that she's loved and how much we care? She's an animal, so I'm not sure.

I'm so close to finishing this class. I think I'm just tired of schoolwork and also this laptop. I spend way too much time on this thing. Haha. Fall semester cannot come fast enough, but I'm not sure if I'll be okay living semi-alone. I was alone for two and half days and like I was going crazy! What am I going to do at Tech? I know I'll have to go out and search for fun and possibly drunk, frat boys, who'll get naked.

Fuck, I was planning on writing a response to this one article I read on the internet, but now I'm just like, "Uhh..." And I really thought I had a lot to talk about! :P

Oh oh! if you haven't done so, look up Eric Himan. His music is addicting! I highly recommend him. He's cute AND gay!

Put a Lid on It.

2008-07-22T18:11:00.004-04:00

I think it's a general rule I shouldn't drink alone. In any case, I finished my paper; it was a little short, but hopefully it won't be an F. I just need to pass this class, transfer the credit along with the others, and voila! Something good is suppose to happen, I guess.

Something has been bothering me lately. It involves a website called Facebook. Now those in the know are aware of the various applications available to any Facebooker. A rather popular one is the Bumper Sticker application. Now I love it. It allows you to put "bumper stickers" on your profile page. The size is a bit limited thought (175 x 175 pixels), but there are some clever and cute and sexy ones. If you've been living, you might have heard of a book series called Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I googled "twilight" and clicked on Meyer's website about Twilight and found that she has a sense of humor! Here's a little excerpt from the site:

I get a ton of questions about how I came up with the story of Twilight and how I got it published... here is the whole story:

(Warning: there are Twilight spoilers contained in the following; if you don't want to ruin the suspense, stop reading.....now. Warning #2: As you might have guessed from the length of my book, I can't tell a short story—this is going to take a while. You have been warned.)

Isn't that cute? I might have to give this series a spin to see what all the ruckus is about. And with humor like that, who wouldn't want to read about a heterosexual vampire falling in love with a heterosexual mortal? Intrigue is what it is!

I digress. On Facebook, there are many stickers involving the main character Edward Cullen. Apparantly he's so "dazzling" he has his own cult following. Well, he is a vampire and will be portrayed by Robert Pattinson, known for his work in the Harry Potter movies.

Again, I keep digressing, but there's a lot of set up for this! Anyway, there's a sticker that says, "Edward Cullen highering the standard for future boyfriends." Now, I can understand how a dazzling vampire would be RAISING the standard for future boyfriends. Oh yes, you read that correctly. Some idiotic fan, apparently in an Edward Cullen Coma, said that the fictional character is "highering" the standard. If anything I think he's dumbing down the infatuated population. I see this sticker all the time browsing the popular stickers and recently popular ones. Really? Is no one else bothered by this? I cringe every time I see this particular sticker! I mean, come on!

This, unfortunately, has me questioning Twilight fans. Is he that intoxicating that you, what I can only assume a drunken state, are making Edward Cullen stickers and not thinking what you type? I can only imagine a fourteen year old making this little image. Seriously.

While I'm on the topic of disturbing stickers, people like to upload offensive or even pornographic stickers. Some people are dumb and will do anything to get attention. Well, there's another sticker I'm not fond of. It reads, "sometimes you have to get weak, just to realize your strong." This one makes me want to King Lear my eyes. Seriously? Did this sticker get added by more than 300 people? Yes. It's a popular sticker because of the message. Facebook is turning into the uptight little brother of MySpace's whoreish ways. I mean every word of that. I love Facebook, but sometimes I just wanna drop a bomb on it.

Okay end of rant.

The Rest is Still Unwritten.

2008-07-19T00:55:00.005-04:00

First and foremost, I would like to thank Blizzard, a gaming company, for developing such an addicting game. As you can see from the picture above, I took the CDs (including the expansion) and just broke 'em in half. I played this game for circa two years and what did I get out of it? Absolutely nothing. I'm not shitting Blizzard. They're a great company for what they do.

It all happened after watching The Broken Hearts Club. I'm not going to give any plot because well that doesn't matter. While taking a shower, I did a little introspection. I looked in the mirror and assessed myself. I'm a fuck. My life has been handed to me on a platinum platter and what did I do? I tossed the motherfucker right out the window. Everything. Every single thing. All I ever wanted was attention: someone to say something back to me when I talked. The numerous online journals I've kept over the years and years didn't talk back. I threw everything away: my education, my life, my family, my friends. All of it was washed down the fucking toilet. And it all started with this fucking game called Warcraft. I hate it. Talking about it to some online friends makes me sick. So sick I could vomit this wine.

Everything I ever wanted was right there in front of me. It was all right there. Right there. There. I'm a fucking horrible friend. I wanted them to talk to me, but how does that go when I do initiate the conversation? They're online on AIM, just double click and type. How fucking hard is that? Apparently I'm just so inept at talking to friends that it's a disease. I'm only good at typing just the most random shit into a text box and hit "Submit/Publish Post."

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I was happy in high school and didn't really care. I put smiley stickers all over my clarinet case for fuck's sake! How demented do you have to be to do that kind of shit? Apparently so that I didn't care what other people thought about it. Heck, if it was anything it was a cry for attention. I'm so blind!

I wore my heart on my sleeve. And now I've put it away and put up walls to everyone: my close friends and family. I locked it up because of my first relationship and a crush! What the fuck! Everyone goes through a first relationship and even a crush! Why am I so different? Hell who fucking knows! I made a uh... mole hill out of an ant hill... I think that's the right saying.

I'm just such a horrible friend. Any comment or reply I get should suffice, but does it? Fuck no! And I bitched about people who wanted attention. I was just being a hypocritical jackass! A fucking donkey! I wish I could've recorded what I was talking to myself. I need this thing to talk back to me. I don't know if it's helping, all this writing about random things in an online journal. I have a therapist, but as everyone knows, I don't ever call anyone!

I want to cry. I want to cry because I've been a fucking cunt! I've been awful! I'm a monster! To everyone! I was too fucking blind. I think I'm rehashing what I've said before. That's the wine talking. It's 2003 merlot/cabernet sauvignon! It tasted like shit at first, but now it's heavenly!

I promise to be a better friend and not the jackass I've been. I'm sorry, everyone.

Mother of Pearl!

2008-07-18T13:53:00.007-04:00

As of 1.40 PM Eastern Standard Time, I fucked up my iPinky Wafflechunks. My precious precious Wafflechunks. I shall nay see the light of day again for it is the music that which keeps me alive!

I'm at the community college's library cause I need to focus on writing this research paper. I skipped out on camping so I could write this paper. Can you tell I'm excited? No. Plus, this keyboard is sticky and any higher powers know what could cause the stickiness on a keyboard. Anyway, I'm searching for sources about sexuality and sexual identity blah blah blah and since I'm printing out the articles/essays/what have you, I thought that I might go to the B&N and grab a cup of joe, which'll do horrid wonders to my already bleak self-image, a guy named Joe, and sit down and read what I have and hilight in pink! While doing so, I planned on listening to the wonderful Natasha Bedingfield, per usual! This time it's different! Oh yes! I have spontaneity in my life! I'm listening to the tracks that are not on the US version ("Pocketful of Sunshine"). I quite like them. I'm very fond of "Still Here" and "I Wanna Have Your Babies" is up there on my list as well!

So, I have my pink iPod Nano (R) hence the name given to said MP3 player (see above). It's a tad low on battery life so I plug her into the Dell desktop with Microsoft Vista (I'm assuming it's Vista cause of the side bar with the random picture changer). The computer does this searching and installing drivers bit and I notice it takes a bit of time. I open iTunes only to find that it needs a new version install. Marvelous. I see that my device hasn't opened in iTunes! Oh no! I play around a bit more. The damn computer is still looking for the drivers and shit. Then I notice on iPinky that it doesn't have the "DO NOT DISCONNECT" warning screen. Well, it can't be bad for my little precious to be taken out, now can it? As with any Windows operating system, I safely remove the hardware and unplug iPinky.

Lo and be-fucking-hold, the damn thing is frozen! I can tell because it's 2.08 PM and it still says 1.40 PM on the screen. Could it be that I was not careful in unplugging my iPod? Maybe I unplugged it too early cause heaven knows that if you do that it fucks up whatever device you have! I'm quite pissed well partly on myself for plugging in my precious, and also at the fucking computer! I feel a rant about how I'll run my car over the computer multiple times or pull an Office Space and toss it out a window or worse! Beat it with a baseball bat!

I've only heard bad things about Windows Vista. And those fucking rumors are fucking true! Oh and iTunes is stuck too.

I'm a flipping genius at fucking up!

Sometimes I Wonder, "WHY?" No, A Lot.

2008-07-16T15:44:00.004-04:00

NO! Don't be like me and think the links in that picture to the left are real. It's a screen shot I took. I'll explain after the introduction.

Okay, I normally try not to post more than once in a day unless it's an absolute must, but I'm not being productive at all and doing this makes me feel productive (even if I am procrastinating).

Okay, I just had to share this screen shot! I was writing an e-mail when I happen to gaze over to the side of Gmail's interface and look! Ads by Google! Surprised? Not just yet. I can understand the first four sponsored links, but what is with the last one?! It's just a random blog that's in modern Greek! I'm guessing it's in modern Greek cause not many people speak ancient Greek. I can barely read it cause I've been away from Latin and ancient Greek for about a year and I wouldn't hesitate to say more than that. The blog is in modern Greek and has a music player that automatically plays a song.

Just for the record, I absolutely hate those! I'm already listening to my music and then I hear another song and I'm flipping out because I think iTunes is going to hell, but then it turns out that it's just the automatic player on the webpage. Thus begins a search for said player to hit the stop button. I don't like doing that as selfish as that sounds.

Anyway, I just adore the color scheme of this Bazoma blog, it's the similar to mine! Their lastest post has a picture of, I think, a dead mouse in one of those old school mouse traps. And then there's another mouse behind the dead one in what looks to me like animal intercourse... Yes, I said it. At least a human wasn't involved ew ew! EW!! They have a picture of a german shepard! Cute, ferocious, huggable german shepards!

The music isn't so bad. I had to pause Natasha Bedingfield! Speaking of whom, I adore her UK album! "I wanna have your babies. They're popping up like daisies. Babies babies babies." Come on! If that doesn't melt your heart and also send a very clear message to your significant other, I don't know what else would. You can't go wrong with Ms. Bedingfield! Alright, pausing the modern Greek and going back to my one true love.

You know that saying that some guys use that goes, "I'd go gay for Brad Pitt," or some hunkilicious celeb? I'd go straight for Natasha Bedingfield (plus some other choice females). While I'm on the topic of gay/straight nonsense, I'm procrastinating on this research paper. I chose the topic of sexuality cause I thought I could spew out tons of stuff on it. As it turns out, I'm brain dead! No really! I'm brain dead about it. I've read some essays/critiques on it, but the subject is just too broad to pinpoint what I want to talk about! I could take the easy route and go with sexuality in general and use sources to back up my assertions, but I really had something in mind. I wanted to do something along the lines of gender roles and sexuality, but I can't get a concise thesis.

Let's add to the pot that I'm going to be out of town from Friday to Sunday and the paper being due oh on Monday. I'm not having fun with that. I may have to skip out on this camping trip or work my ass off on Thursday. Ugh! I- blaaaaaaaah! I'm a sheep.

Voting Dilemma.

2008-07-16T09:41:00.004-04:00

Srsly, Hunk du Jour?! I have to choose?!?! Not only do I have to choose from Kerry, Marco, and Bryan, but Peter and Daniel and Jonathan are all hunks in their own way! WY YU MAEK DIS SEW HARD?? In case you're wondering, I voted for Marco because I haven't seen any new pictures of him lately. Kerry is hot and making his way up. I think he's in two back-to-back issues of Out Magazine. Congrats to Kerry! Bryan is just hot and I have tons of pictures of him circulating my desktop.

Yes, I do realize that I can vote more than once, but that's just "stuffing the ballot boxes," which I do not find ethical. Shame on you who stuff those boxes!

On a side note, goggy iz doin wellz! she had fudz poysonin'. inorite! but she betta nowz! Oh and I don't like research papers.

2008-07-10T11:06:00.000-04:00

She's still not doing well. I won't be able to concentrate on anything.

A Storm within the Morning.

2008-07-09T14:20:00.003-04:00

Flash. One Mississippi. Two Cincinnati. Three Alabam- boom. 3.7 miles away. What a pleasant way to wake up. Let me try to get back to sleep. Flash. Boom. Ugh, I need it quiet to get some sleep. I’m a light sleeper sometimes. Most of the time, I can sleep through many things. When I’m in my room, however, I need it quiet and dark. The flashes of light don’t help especially since the neighbors across the street have a floodlight shining into my room.

I don’t mind not getting any sleep. I’ll just enjoy this storm. Crap, it’s only five o’clock in the morning. Oh well, I like the flashes of light, the preceding silence, then the loud rumbling. The flashes of light can be annoying, but when I just close my eyes it’s soothing. The anticipation of the coming sounds puts my heart into a race. A loud crash stops my heart for a second. The low rumbling resounds in my chest and I feel powerless against such a force. I accept the feeling of vulnerability because I know this phenomenon is not within my control. Then it dons on me. We have no trees in our front and back yards. The flashes of light will strike the tallest object. In this case, it’s the house. We have a vivacious cherry tree, but it’s not yet tall enough to overcome the height of the house.

My imagination takes over. Through the middle of my room a bolt of light pierces through the ceiling, through the floor, and creates a black crack on the tile of the bottom floor. The splintered holes left by the bolt are charred and steam from the heat. I can hear my parents banging on the door yelling if I’m okay. Then my handsome hero swoops through the window and rescues me! I wish.

The loud, rhythmical thumping of the bass from music doesn’t compare to the sensation of that low rumbling penetrating through my body. The sensation starts at my heart and emits from there and ending at my extremities. As I turn onto my other side, I can still feel the sensation. It’s exhilerating. No wonder I can’t get to sleep. I’m too busy getting caught in the storm.

2008-07-08T18:38:00.000-04:00

Emma has been sick for a few days. I'm starting to get worried. =(

Review of "29th & Gay"

2008-07-05T15:00:00.003-04:00

Since I didn't like this movie, I thought that I might enlighten anyone as to why I didn't like this movie. Any movie recieving a two star or a one star rating, I should explain. Perhaps I might do reviews of any five stars, but those'll get repetitive.

Despite being a TLA product I was a bit disappointed. The plot was good and I enjoyed it. I was rooting for the main character, James, to find love. I found the "wry comedy" not funny. Some of the choices that James made warranted a nice slap across the face from me. His naivety was cute, but you've really got to be living under a rock to be like James. His friends, bless their hearts, try their best to help James get a boyfriend, but James is just too thick-headed. There's no sex, thank god.

The cinematography was bad. I read other reviews and they all loved the low budget-ness of this movie. I was fine with the camera movements, but when James would talk to the camera, it took away from it. A voice over perhaps would've sufficed, but I think the purpose of talking straight to the camera was to emphasize the low budget film.

Idiocy.

2008-07-02T17:43:00.002-04:00

I'm so fucking stupid!! I bought Adobe Photoshop Elements 6. I bought the wrong one for $100. I got the version for FUCKING WINDOWS!! The serial number didn't work and I was searching the entire website for this stupid Akamai download shit thingy. This MAC doesn't do that java/activeX crap! So I had to bite the bullet and buy the right one... Thank fucking god it wasn't the CS3 version! ><

Flash Fiction.

2008-07-01T15:00:00.003-04:00

We were given four scenarios to pick from. I chose the scenario where a couple is driving home from a party and they're not getting along. They hit something. From there we elaborate in 500 - 700 words. For some reason that day, I kept thinking of zombies. All the scenarios had potential for a zombie story, but I chose the couple one. I might write about the other "flash fictions" when I get this zombie mentality out of my head.

The black, two door Hybrid zipped along the thin, curved road. Adam, the driver, clutched the steering wheel as tight as he clenched his teeth. Steve was berating his partner of five years about the party. “You could have faked it!” he shrieked like the tires going into the curve of the road. “You don’t see me canoodling with the hussies at that skank hole!”

“It was your idea! I didn’t want to go anyway!” Adam rebutted, “Besides, it wasn’t like I was going to fuck him.”

Steve whined, “That’s all you care about! Sex sex sex!” as his eyes began to water.

“Look who’s talking!” hollered the driver. Adam’s vision was blurry from the rage he felt within. He wanted to dump Steve on the road and leave him, but that would cause trouble. A pair of lights came toward the Hybrid. Steve took no notice of the headlights because he, fearing his mascara would run, was dabbing his eyes with a tissue. Adam’s heart pounded harder in his head. He rolled his eyes and swerved to the right.

Steve began to speak his mind once again, but was interrupted when the small car jumped into the air after hitting what seemed like a really big bump. “Oh my god! What was that? Did we hit something?” He began shooting more questions at Adam, who put all his weight onto the brakes. “Was it a deer? Should we stop? It might’ve been a homeless man! What if he died? We could go to jail for this! I’m too pretty for jail and I certainly can’t eat their shitty food!”

Adam, rolling his eyes again, pulled the car to the side of the road and put on the emergency blinkers. He got out of the car and could hear Steve running his mouth as loud as the car’s engine. “Do you have a flashlight? Wait! If you have a crowbar I’ll use that! I have mace! Hold on!” Adam opened the trunk and pulled out the emergency flares. He lit one and walked back up the road. He could make out a lump on the road. It was covered in rags. He thought that maybe it was a homeless man. With a concern, he hastened his steps toward the figure. “Wait for me dammit!” wailed his partner from afar. As Adam closed in on the figure, he heard a moan. He attempted to help the figure, but the odor was so overwhelming he had to step backwards. Steve galloped to his partner’s side. The moan coming from the figure on the road turned into a guttural growl. At first, Adam thought it might be a dog, but it was too large. As it stood up, it was clear to the couple that the figure was human. Steve let out a shriek. The humanoid figure turned to face them. Upon seeing what they had run over, both let out a blood-curdling scream.

“G-g-g-g-g-g-aaaaaaaaaary,” the figure uttered. The couple continued screaming. The figure snapped its neck as if being hit by a car was normal. It cleared its throat and said, “My name isss Gary.” Adam and Steve shrieked again. “I-I wasss on my way to the Phobor housssse.”

Steve, who could recognize a fake lisp, silenced his scream and gave the figure an accusing stare. “You’re gay?” Gary nodded. “Oh honey, you can’t go to the party wearing that! Adam, take off your clothes.” Steve began unbuttoning the jacket from Adam, who refused. “Here put this on!” As Gary slid on the jacket, his hand fell off. Adam and Steve stared in bewilderment. “You’re a zombie!” Steve screeched. Adam knew of the recent plague of zombies from the news. Fearing for his life he grabbed Steve and stepped back.

Gary explained, “I wasss on my way to the party to sssee if I could hook up with sssomeone. It’sss hard to find a good man when you’re a zombie.”

Victim of Teenage Romanticide at Twenty-Three.

2008-06-30T19:32:00.005-04:00

First, I'm not really a victim. I just like the song and the word "romanticide." It's a song called "Teenage Romaniticide" by Dance Yourself to Death. Good songs. A bit teenage angst/emo, but it really captures the essence of the teenager "in love." Check them out at MySpace and iTunes! They're an alternative band.

This "midsummer break" I have is going to kill me. Bear Club and The History Boys came in the mail. I watched The History Boys Saturday and then Bear Club on Sunday. I forgot to get them in the mail today cause I was taking a zombie nap. Bah! Oh well. The History Boys was good. I liked the plot, but I wish the characters were explored a bit more. You really never knew anything else about Scripps other than that he's a devout Christian. And even the others too! In any case, it made for a compelling story. Bear Club was not what I expected. I thought I was in for a comedy in English, but what I got was a drama in Spanish! I didn't mind at all! I loved that it was in Spanish, albeit it was a bit hard to read all the English as fast as they were speaking. This movie was interesting. I wanted to cry at some parts. The grandmother made me angry, that is all. I might have a secret love of bears!

Back to this "break." I see no necessity in it. I'm just going to be a lazy ass is all. Don't need it. Couldn't care less or more for it. Oh and thinking community college is stupid is just fucking elitist. Give up on your "better than you" attitude about community college. If I could go back in time, I would go to John Tyler before trying for VA Tech! Bah, we're all stubborn in our own way so I don't think it matters what I say.

While I'm fired up, I'm going to clarify my hatred for homosexuals cause I wasn't very clear in that last post. The reason I harbor a hatred for homos is because I've been messed with by my friends who are mostly gay. "I don't date friends," then I find out you dated friend A in secrecy and then you dated friend B (all are gay BTW). You could've been honest and said, "You're not my type," or "I don't want to date you." Then friend A and B date and have this amazing relationship and then it goes BOOM because of... something I'm not sure of. Then friend B dates with the friend who doesn't date friends. Yea that's fucking bullshit. You become friends before you want to date someone. You don't just jump into it like a blind date! And even then, you're not doing boyfriend things on that first date, unless you're a whore. I'm sure none of this ever makes sense and really none of it ever involved me. It wasn't even me who brought up the idea of me dating the friend who doesn't date friends. Some loud mouth, "I don't give a shit" girl did. I think I still don't like her. Eh, I'm very positive she's moved on.

My first boyfriend, who lived in Roanoke, wanted to hook up with friend B after friending/dating me. We had an open relationship. Never do that with a whore. Also, tell him to get a car that's reliable so YOU don't have to drive his whore ass every fucking place. I'm getting more bitter as I think about this so onto something else more enlightening.

I was browsing my blogroll of news about gays et alia. Let me preface by saying that I'm not a fan of Pete Wentz. I'm not a fan because my music-obsessed friend hates him and she just rants about how much she hates him so I guess I hate him in association. But after this, I can't hate him. In the August cover story of Out magazine is Pete Wentz. I respect Out magazine. At first I saw it and said, "Ew I'm not going to buy it," but after reading why Wentz got on the cover of Out magazine changed my mind of the not so attractive, why-did-he-marry-that-simpson-girl Wentz. Ashlee, by the way, is not a favorite of mine either. Kudos to both for finding love in each other though. I think they make a perfect couple. Now, I respect him for his view on sexuality. Saying that he's gay even if he's straight. That's brave. Let's not forget that his willy ended up on the internets! Scandalous! I'm not a size queen, but ew!

Blocked.

2008-06-27T19:25:00.002-04:00

Trying to find some creative thing to do with all my gay magazines is troublesome. And inefficient. I'm only going to be collecting more and more. No, I don't want to make a purse. It'll fall apart. It's hard to find a way to take the pages out of the magazine without ruining the pages. I could take them to Staples or Office Depot and have them cut the spines off? Hell no I'm not paying $0.75 per 50 pages AND I'm not going to Office Depot ever again. I can't even look at office supplies without grimacing!

Missed the Moon & Stars.

2008-06-26T19:56:00.002-04:00

I remember what I wanted to talk about in my last post, but it was just too happy, I didn't want to bring up such a curt, but not so brief subject. To be candid, there are times when I hate homosexuals. I guess- I don't know. I don't know I don't know. Everything about it. Or some of it. I think the people that hurt me the most are gay.

I know I've been a shitty friend. I'm not blind, yet. I'm just on this long ass emotional roller coaster. I thought the line was long, but the damn ride is fucking ridiculous. I hurt at the top of the hills and I hurt at the bottom of the drops. The harness won't come off. Wouldn't it be nice for the safety mechanism to malfunction just once and free fall and not worry about a fucking thing?

I've been concentrating so much on trying to get my priorities in order and manage to not get myself in jail, I've neglected those closest to me. It's hard to think that maybe once it would be nice to have someone give me twenty-one birthday cards or even just a card from someone I just met. Or be invited to something, anything. For that reason, I hate Facebook. Sure I have "friends," but how many can I truly count as real friends. Geez the one person that's really my friend forgot her password so she doesn't get on Facebook any longer. I've sent messages to some people only to have no response or just a trite conversation of one or three lines. Occassionally I'll talk on AIM, but it's not much. It's the same damn conversation over and over again.

Everyone's moved on. I'm still right where I am. I've only gotten to get out of the house because my sister invites me to some of her excursions to Banditos or happy hour, and I accept because I can just crash at her place. I'm a burden to everyone. I invite people to come out for my birthday cause let's face it, when I turned twenty-one, I went in to work at Toys R Us. I didn't go out. It was a Tuesday that year. I didn't do anything that weekend. Twenty-two? Nothing. I probably played Warcraft to pretend I didn't have a birthday that people forgot or worse, didn't care for. Twenty-three? That was a debacle. The only people who wanted to go to the bars were under twenty-one. It's not their fault. Blame their parents, but I felt bad. I felt bad they couldn't have a good time ON MY BIRTHDAY. Everyone went out of town too! I'm sorry for being born in the middle of June when every-fucking-thing happens: marriage, beach, gay pride, new jobs, washing your hair and the plants. If I could, I'd have no birthday at all. I don't care how old I am anyway. Celebrations are overrated. Stimulation of the economy is all holidays are good for. Fuck Christmas.

I know this sounds selfish, but once, just fucking once, I want to enjoy the company of my old high school friends and any friends now without there being fucking drama. The reason I hated LiveJournal so much was the incessant whining of "no one ever comments" and then there's that "read my LJ and then comment." You mean to tell me that your life is so much more important to me that you need evidence that I read your fucking piece of drama shit? Hell, where the fuck were comments for me?!? When you get comments, you're happy! You don't care when I actually comment and then you bitch that you're not loved. Attention-fucking-whores. Once I checked my LJ account and it showed that gave TWICE as many comments than I recieved. God, who needs comments now?! Same with fucking deviantART. I love the idea, but when people just want attention and say "Leave a comment BEFORE you fave. Thank you!" All they want is just for someone to like their art. I guess I'm bitter, angry, spewing horse shit cause I never got any attention and yet I had to pay attention to everyone else. Now that I think about it, I'm only shy and quiet cause I'm afraid I'm going to be used.

I feel like I've been used my entire life. Come over and just watch my TV and eat my food. Drive all of us to this place and that place. Drive me here and there. Fine, I'll tell the Asian guy that we need a table for four because I'm Asian so therefore I should be able to understand him. We have to do this. We have to do that. I guess it's my fault for not saying, "No," and just holding any regret I have inside. If I'm ever asked if I have regretted anything my life, I know my answer. "Everything." I feel like it's all been a waste of time. I've wasted time.

I don't know why I want to stay in Richmond or even own a computer. So much shit has happened with both.

Ugh, I guess I'm just broken.

Let Me Think About It.

2008-06-26T16:56:00.003-04:00

Oh man, it's been forever. Haha! I'm still groggy from a nap, so I hope I'm coherent.

My summer class has me writing a lot so I've been a bit busy. It's a fun class. I live the random writing exercises thing. This week we had to write about a dream and the imagery of it all and then we had to flesh out a story in 500 - 700 words. I wrote about a zombie, who's gay. There's a cult following for gay zombies I think. There are some people I can't stand in that class. Yea... No one cute/attractive to note. I'm not there to hook up! Or am I? IDK.

A cou- actually just last week family went camping! It was fun! We talked about playing beer pong, but with water because alcoholic beverages are not allowed in recreational parks. Unfortunately, it was too dark and there wasn't a steady table. I still had fun. First day was relaxing. Second day, many more people came and it got a bit hectic. The weather was alright. It wasn't hot. It was warm and cloudy, so the sun wasn't out at times. One time, I put on skin cancer preventative lotion and got in the water and the clouds decided to be the skin cancer preventative instead. As soon as we got out, the sun came out. Weather is a bitch, huh? At night, it was cold! It was too cold! Weather really is a bitch! Needless to say, I had fun! Saturday night, we played the card game, Capitolism or Asshole. We had beer, shh! I got tipsy, shh. I slept like a rock, alright! I got an awesome tan. I'm not too dark, but I definitely have some color. No abnormal moles either so I'm good in the skin cancer department. I don't think anyone wanted to come back home, sister and dad included. Going back to class was like, "Uhhhhhhhh..." Oh man, we ate such greasy food! Not a single vegetable and I claim I'm on a diet. We know better for next time, just you wait!

Oh get this! I find out that I have no classes for a whole week because it's a "midsummer break" at John Tyler Community College. What? Can't we just end a week earlier? I don't need a break. I'm just going to vegetate! Shit, I slept from 2.30 to 5 PM today and only woke up at 9 AM!

Oh I got to watch P.S. I Love You. I really liked it. It was such a sad movie, but I liked it! I couldn't cry because of the Prozac, but I know for sure I would've had I no anti-depressant. The movie was funny and sad and just well done. I think I have a newfound love of Irish men! The accent is just so sexy and their body types are normal.

I can't find the remote and Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List is playing tonight!

Ugh, I'm done.

Dialogue Exercise.

2008-06-23T17:14:00.004-04:00

Inspired by Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants," create a dialogue between two people, but don't say what the problem is.

(An elipsis indicates that the person is still talking. Think of the elipsis as a pause in one's thoughts.)

What do you think would happen?
I need more wine.
Stop.
I do need more wine. This glass is empty!
Will you concentrate for just a few minutes?
…I know this is difficult-
More wine please!
Don’t interrupt me! I could be doing something else!
Sorry.
…I – I just feel like – Ugh!
Take your time.
I feel I should do this, but everyone else tells me to do that.
…I want to do this. I know I do, but I want what’s best for everyone.
What did he say when he found out?
…It wasn’t good, was it?
No.
Do you need more wine?
Yes, it’ll help me think.
Whatever works for you.
I don’t see it as such a big deal that everyone says it is!
…It’s not my fault I feel this way! I have needs and those needs aren’t met with them!
I think you’ve had enough wine.
…What do you see in ten years?
I don’t see that far! I can only think of yesterday the day before, the day before that.
…Nothing good is going to come out of anything.
You worry too much. You put too much on your plate.
My plate is just fine. I just have to clean it up a little bit
…The broccoli can’t touch the mash potatoes! The gravy is just going everywhere so I really can’t just put anything else there.
You’re not making any sense.
I make sense to me.
I think you’ve had too much wine. Let’s go for a walk.
It’s nice outside. I love the way the air flows through my hair.
You like it, huh?
Yeah.
Do you want to feel like this from now on?
Who doesn’t? Heh, those kids are kicking a ball!
…Don’t you wish times were simpler? Like when you were young. Things were just so carefree and just free.
…Growing up sucks.
No it doesn’t. You have to take responsibility when you grow up and fend for yourself.
…The joy of being an adult is that you have a set schedule that you can follow.
I didn’t schedule this. I didn’t even make an appointment.
However, with being an adult comes responsibility. You have to be man enough and mature enough to deal with any situation.
Do you think I’m mature?
No.
Thanks.
Do you see what I’m talking about? When you’re a kid, you can play with little kid things. When you’re an adult, you can play with adult things.
Like thongs.
You know what I mean!
Haha! You’re blushing!
You’re one to talk. You’re blushing away from this problem. Eventually that flushed feeling will go away. What will you do then?
I’ll just run away.
I won’t let you run away. You know I’m here for you.
I know.
…Can you promise me something?
Anything.
No matter what happens, can I stay at your place? I-I really don’t know what’s going to happen.
You’re going to go through with it?
I don’t want to. Either way, I feel like I’m ripping my heart out.
You’re too dramatic. What’s with this “ripped heart” thing?
My feelings. Whatever.
…You’re too nice to me.
You know I hate to repeat myself. I’m here for you, no matter what!
I know.
…What do you think he’ll do?
You asking me? Sheesh, hell I don’t know! Run away?
Hahahaha!
…Running runs in the family, it seems.
…I’ve been thinking.
What?
Maybe it’s not as bad as I’m thinking.
Hello? Is anyone home? You’re so dramatic about everything.
Maybe it’s not so bad.
Aha! You’re thinking positive now.
Maybe he won’t even care. Maybe he’ll just kick me out. I’ve got my best friend here to help me.
I’m not going to completely support you! You have to start doing things on your own. Grab life by the horns and wrangle it down.
What?
You know what I mean.
No, I don’t. Horns?
Never mind. You’re drunk.
I’m not drunk!
Careful! I’d be surprised if you made it back to your house.
I want to go home.
What?
I’ll go through with it.
What? Really?
…Are you feeling confident?
Nope.
We’ll get ya some wine beforehand, huh?
No no. No wine. I’ve made up my mind.
…I’m going to do it.

Four Things About One Thing.

2008-06-19T16:26:00.008-04:00

It's been awhile since I last wrote, but I've been busy. Also to be honest, I'm still adapting to blogger's ways. I'm so use to LiveJournal's easy posting. Eh. I know I said I'd put up a review of Shelter, but I haven't the motivation to write about it though. I'll just say that it's a great movie. No! It's an awesome movie! I'm going to be buying it on Amazon.com cause Best Buy's stupid ass didn't have it. Surprise surprise. And I love me the Amazons! I think I have the UK version of Miss Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine," which has more tracks, waiting in a shopping cart there.

Oh speaking of music, Madonna's "Hard Candy" is awesome hard! See how I tried to make a pun there but ultimately failed? I'm good like that. Love it love it love it! And I'm not saying that because I'm gay, oh no! I love it! It's her hiphop album since it's produced by Timbaland and Justin "fucking hot" Timberlake. Side note: I absolutely need a shirt like those "I heart NY" ones, but it says, "I heart JT." Gotta find it. Anyway, "Hard Candy" went beyond my expectations. I could do without the two remixes of "4 Minutes," which by the way is four minutes and four seconds long. The first song, "Candy Shop" reminds me of 50 Cent's song. It sets the mood, I like it for that reason. My absolutely favorite song is "Heartbeat." It's about dancing. Enough said. Another favorite is "Miles Away" and "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You." Beautiful music and lyrics. Go buy it!

I had more I wanted to say, but I got caught up in talking about Madonna. So sue me!

Write about one thing four times (~150 words each). I've included how many words each part was.

Tomb One. (156 words)
Tears streak down the woman’s face and sobs of sadness, disrupting the silence, escape her mouth. The man attempts to console her, but cannot hold back grief. All in black, the figures keep their eyes downcast. The tombstone will soon cast its gaze upon disturbed dirt. The refined inscription sits deep in the stone. Four uniformed men lower the casket into the rectangular ditch. A slimy earthworm creates a thud as it lands on the surface of the black box. The casket makes its final descent and settles on the moist, clumpy dirt. Once again, the moans and cries of the grievers cut through the silence only louder. The woman, now soaked in tears, begins to rant, but her speech is unintelligible. The four uniformed men grab shovels and begin to cover the casket. The earthworm manages to escape into the wall of the rectangular ditch. It now has a new friend among the other neighbors.

Tomb Two. (151 words)
My favorite words used to be visible on this one particular tombstone. Requiescat In Pace. That’s all it said. I think the family couldn’t afford to have anything else put on it. The inscription stood out and made the tomb unique from other plain tombs. The lettering was cursive, yet legible to anyone. The capital letters, once towering now resemble the size of the other letters. I couldn’t make out the other letters. It wasn’t enough that the rain and wind battered this poor tombstone, but now I had to use an acid to clean away the dirt and mold. I hated spraying that cleaning liquid on the tomb, but I was careful, spraying where I only needed to spray and using gentle scrubbing. I didn’t want it to deteriorate anymore. My brother never realized that I cared for him the way he was treated, but I did with his tomb.

The Third Tomb. (150 words)
The man in the black suit adjusted his tie and nametage as he moved onto the next available plot. “This one here is between two distinguished men who have contributed a lot to their community.” The couple leaned into one another and whispered. The salesman fidgeted and said, “We do have a nice secluded plot. It has this gorgeous willow near it and will provide shade!” He ushered the couple toward the back of the cemetary. The weeping willow stood by itself. The border of the cemetary was marked by the beginning of the forest. “You don’t see many willows around here. And if you’re wondering about the fall leaves, we have a cleaning crew.” The coupled whispered longer this time.
They looked at the plot, marked by a white chalk line. “Mother, she loved willows,” the woman said with a smile. The saleswoman smiled and wrote on her clipboard.

The Fourth Tomb. (156 words)
The weatherman lied. It’s raining. I hate it, but my best friend didn’t want to come out to the cemetary alone. Every time she goes, she cries and can’t drive. Actually, the last time she drove, we almost died. So I’m holding a spare umbrella and she’s got a bouquet of flowers. I think I can hear her moaning as we make our way, but I look over and she’s fine. It must be the rain. We arrive at her parents’ tomb for the fourth time since they died. She bows her head and says a prayer. I’m trying not to get wet. She places the flowers on the grass and turns to leave without crying. Awestruck, I run to catch up and I think I saw something sticking out of one of the other graves. I think it might’ve been a hand. It must have been the rain, but it looked similar to a hand.

Rekindling.

2008-06-09T20:22:00.006-04:00

I just want to say that I think I've found a reason to teach again.

Sunny Monday.

2008-06-09T14:27:00.005-04:00

I had such a crazy ~~Monday~~ weekend. I don't know why I typed Monday haha! The weekend mostly consisted of attending a cousin's graduation party up in Pennsylvania.

It took a total of about 4 hours to get there, but we stopped at this asian-town place called Eden in Washington D.C. We ate lunch there and it was so good I didn't have to put on chapstick for my lips! You know food is greasy good when you're done and your lips feel like you just put on grease to stay away from being chapped and well let's face it, you did put grease on your lips.

We got to our destination and it was hot! I hate the hot. I like the cold much better. Not too much really happened. I just saw how muh of a dick my uncle can be. He's family, but gah he's a dick! He just wants to cause trouble! Somehow he remembered, bless his alcohlism for letting him think, that I wanted to be a teacher. He says that he doesn't like teachers and that soldiers are better and goes on about being a young boy and falling in love with the way a soldier looked and what they wore and shit. If that's not gay, I don't know what the hell is!! Anyway, I stayed away from him the rest of the weekend so I didn't have the urge to yell at him, "I don't care if it's a 'man's job' to do this shit and that shit! I'm fucking gay! How's them apples?!" Didn't damper my time though. We shared pictures, some movies and helped cook the food for the graduation party the next day.

The day of the party was hot. I reiterate: I don't like hot; I like cold. I stayed inside most of the time and tried to help, but everyone else got there before I could! Meanies who like to help others! Save some for the lazy asses (like myself)! A lot of younger cousins were there. A lot. Should I be surprised? Nope, but somehow I was. We all just played some games like Taboo and Apples to Apples. After some time, some cousins got restless and wanted to play ultimate frisbee! Gah, it's been like EONS since I've ran! I told myself that I was just going to stand there and not care like gym class, but I started to get competitive. That's just how I am. Oh well, I had fun! The day slowly winded down and I slept like a baby on this gigantic air mattress! It was HUGE!

We left on Sunday and stopped by that Eden place again to get some snacks on the way home. I slept most of the way with the iPod plugged into my ears. We got home in no time! Wow!

Now that I think about, you have to have been there to truely experiene the weekend I had. Haha! Oh well. I came home and found a Netflix postal mail! Shelter had come! Yay! I'll have a review for that in another post. I don't want this bad boy post to be like uber long. Ciao!

Remodeling.

2008-06-04T14:09:00.003-04:00

I thought I would get away from my favorite color scheme of red, white, and black and go for something more pink. I used this really nifty website I found on color combinations for the web [link]. It helped me decide on what complementary colors I should use and yadda yadda yadda. It's very handy for all you web designers out there. I think, however, I just used Bloggers choice of colors and what looked nice. I've got a monochromatic color scheme going on with a bit of a tangent.

In other news! I thought that I might enlighten some people with a picture of Jason Mraz (YES) shirtless, wearing a black speedo, and holding a big fucking knife.

Hunk of the Day for June 4, 2008
Yup, that's hot. He's not like ripped, but damn I just love this guy. Thanks to Hunk du Jour for such a wonderful find!
I'm just waiting for my night class to roll around. Yes, I am a little bored.

Monday Monday.

2008-06-04T12:33:00.002-04:00

Nothing extremely exciting happened today.

I did get a hair cut. I didn't go to my usual Asian salon because well the stylist had an attitude about me going to another place and getting a trim. She was like, "Why didn't you come here?" and I told her that I was too busy with school and work to drive thirty minutes to get my hair cut! Anyway, my sister suggested I go to Salon del Sol, which is an expensive place, but the lady she recommended to me was good. I drove twenty-five (!) minutes to this specific location. The overall process took about an hour as opposed to the twenty to thirty minutes at my usual place. The stylist at Salon del Sol took her time and even engaged me in conversation, which was good because I tend to fall asleep. She washed my hair before and after the whole cutting and styling. That was fun! I never had my head messaged before. I really like my hair. It's a bit too short, but it'll grow back. I will say that $25 might be a bit steep, but totally worth the happiness. :P That was basically my day.

I chose number 2.

Writing prompt: Choose one of the following and take about 10 minutes to write down what comes to mind.

1. talk about a time you stole something

2. write about a time you felt elated, but don't use the word "happy"

3. write about a time you felt miserable, but don't use the words "tears" or "sad"

4. write about a time you felt pissed off, but don't use the word "angry"

5. write about a time you felt at peace, but don't use the word "content"

-------

As I waited in line, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered more. The knowledge of the hour wait was devastasting. I couldn't help but keep shifting my weight from either foot or just finding something to catch my eye, like a cute guy. The line moves. The butterflies flap their wings faster. This isn't the first time I've felt this way. Job interviews, going to a new place without directions, and calling someone gives me a case of "the butterflies."

The line moves again. This time it's time to split into smaller lines that determine seating position. Time seems to slow down every second. The car pulls around and it's finally my turn! The funky dressed people make sure my safety mechanism is safe. After what seems forever, the car moves. the chains catch onto the cat and pull it uphill. The butterflies will surely die of flapping exhaustion. "I can see our car from here," I think to myself. As the car rounds the top of the hill, I feel as if I'm on cloud nine. As the wind rushes past my face, my smile touches each ear and I can feel the butterflies escape my mouth as I yell in ecstacy.

Thoughts on John Updike's "A & P."

2008-06-04T12:32:00.005-04:00

Originally written on Thursday, May 29, 2008.

This short story confused me. There were times when I had to reread a sentence a couple of times to understand what was going on. It could have been John Updike’s wording, but even then I was unsure of what I was trying to understand. The level of detail the narrator goes into describing the three girls eluded me; I could not for the life of me picture these three girls as clearly as the narrator was describing them. The amount of detail of the girls outweighs what really actually happened to the narrator: he quit his job. For what reason? It could not have simply been because three girls were not dressed to A & P policy. He does say that he felt sorry for the girls and the way his manager treated them. I am certain, after working in retail myself, that this decision to quit was not by impulse. The narrator does not seem to care despite knowing that his parents will be disappointed.

What really threw me off was the narrator’s relationship with Stokes, or Stokesie. After rereading the part where Stokes tells the narrator to hold him and even calls him, “Daddy,” I can slightly grasp what is happening after the narrator explains the situation of the A & P. Six pieces of clothing covering three girls evenly, no sandals or shoes, and an appearance of “I don’t care” about them makes this a phenomenon in an A & P and against the company’s policy.

I can understand the feeling the narrator feels when his stomach drops and he knows that his life is going to be hard without a job. I have been there. I know the feeling of being unemployed and knowing that I have only so much money to spend and with this economy, spending money is not something I can do freely.

John Updike’s short story, to me, does not have a point. From what I am piecing together in my head, this lofty-headed cashier sees an unusual event occur and becomes encompassed in it. His manager informs the three girls that the next time they come into the A & P they must have their shoulders covered. They feel embarrassed and the narrator, thinking his heroic gesture of quitting might have some effect on the girls, acts out. This ends up with him feeling his stomach drop after leaving his job.

End of the Week (or Beginning).

2008-06-04T12:32:00.003-04:00

I had a very long, relaxing, slightly stressed weekend. This entry is going to be a bit long so bare with me. :P

My friday started out with seeing my psychiatrist at 1.30 PM. It's not usual I get to see him early, so I bring with me a little book to read to pass the time. He's happy at the progression I've made so far. That's a good thing. I think I'm going to see him one last time before I go back to VA Tech.

That evening, I went to happy hour with my sister and ALL of her co-workers. I do mean ALL cause like everyone there, besides a married couple works with my sister. Happy hour was at Havana 59. This place was so cute! It was a bit humid outside, but eh, I was going to sweat a lot anyway so I didn't care too much. The windows were up and the fans were running at full speed. They had like fake/real palm trees so it was like we were in Mexico. Yes, for awhile there, I thought it was a Mexican place, but I soon found out it was a Cuban establishment. Whatever! The margaritas were deeeeeelicious! Oh my gosh! I got a prickley pear 'rita and it was just heaven! And it was bright pink! People were all like, "I love the color of your drink!" I had a passion fruit mojito before the 'rita. I don't think it was such a good idea to drink a 'jito (:P) on an empty stomach. I heard someone say that the 'jitos were a bit acidic. That would explain the excrutiating pain I felt from my tummy (it wasn't excrutiating, but it hurt). My sister and I split two appetizers. Our "lovely" waitress expained to us upon being asked how big the appetizers were that appetizers are what you eat before the main course. ORLY?! God and here I thought an appetizer was for dieters. In any case, I had to order more food! I was starving before happy hour and the 'jito in the very beginning was a bad idea. I got some t-bone steak with smushed potatoes and a cob of corn. I originally ordered the [other type of steak...] that came with Yucca potato fries and other stuff. Guess what?! They didn't have it! Good job, Havana 59! Good job! Oh well, I shared cause I couldn't finish it all cause my stomach was screaming, "Help me!"

The plan afterwards was to go out. Yea, that bombed. I wanted to go out, but the stomach thing was kind of in the way. The pain, however, did go away once I got up and walked around. Some other people wanted to go out too, but they decided against it. Oh well, my sister and I watched stand up comics until 12.30 AM.

The next day: Beer, Bourban, & BBQ Festival! Yeee-haaaaaa! I had lots of fun. I love beer & BBQ; I am also a fan of bourban now. It reminds me of tequila as it burns on the way down. Hmmmmm!! There was this hard apple cider that I was addicted to! Nothing too exciting about the BB&B Festival. Just lots of drunken country people is all.

Sunday, we were planning on going to the Greek Festival, but it was super hot today and we decided to go shopping instead. Unfortunately, I've had a long weekend and I'm a bit tired of typing cause it hurts me head. Also the dog wants my attention so I'm going to give it to her.

A new leaf; a fresh start.

2008-06-04T12:31:00.002-04:00

Originally written and published on Tuesday, May 27, 2008.

Since I am starting a new chapter in my life, I thought it would be better to start a new blog. My Deadjournal account is too much angst and emo shit; my Livejournal account is just fodder. I could easily make a new account on LJ (DJ needs some stupid code), but just the name "Livejournal" brings back memories and drama from long ago, so I think that Blogger would be a nice place to start. Plus, many of the photo blogs I visit on occasion use Blogger. Eventually, I'll put up a link list of the blogs I visit to get my daily drool of hot, delicious men.

At the moment, I'm unemployed. I just got so tired of retail and the stress it incurred on my life. But now I have a new stress! Money. Where am I going to get money now? I can't live off my parents because they're already short on money. I'm not going to go back into retail. I don't know how I'd handle waiting tables. It's something I would like to do, but if I don't like it, there's another job I quit. I've thought about bartending, but I'm positive my parents are against it. They're basically against alcohol, even though I go out drinking once in a while.

Well, the start of a new life calls for a bit of work. Work to get back into my old clothes because I feel bad that I've spent so much money on clothes that don't fit anymore. My goal is to fit into size 32 waist size and into a small sized shirts. At the moment, I'm borderlining into 36 and large. I'm watching my diet and I'm not eating until I get what some people call the "food coma." I eat to satisfy the hunger. I'm slowly but surely getting exercise in. I jogged a little bit this early afternoon because the dog was antsy about going outside. We bought her a lifejacket to wear when we go camping and I fit it on her this morning and also her pink harness, so she got the idea that she was going for a walk. It was nice to go out running. My legs hurt a bit while I was running, but I think I need better shoes.

The political scene sure is heating up with the incoming season of summer. I haven't really been following it as closely as I should. At this point, whoever becomes the Democratic candidate for president, I'll vote for him/her. I'm certainly not going to go with McCain. I should probably have reasons why, but I'm just going to vote Democratic for this year.

Traveling abroad sure can change a person. Just recently I went to Europe with my sister. We have a brother working over in Germany for some chemical company called BASF. We spent four days in Paris and three days in Mannheim, Germany; we spent a day and night each in Basel and Zurich Switzerland. Paris was just absolutely amazing! May was the perfect month to go. It wasn't too hot nor too cold and I'm very picky about my outside temperatures. The atmosphere is Paris was laid back. All the people weren't worried about the past or the future. They took in the present: the food, the people, the environment. I wish I could live in Paris or bring Paris back to the States. Germany was not what I expected. My brother had to work a few days so we stayed at his place in Mannheim. There was shopping, but I didn't see much that I wanted. It was either that or I could get it back in the States. My sister and I took a trip to Heidelburg, Germany, to shop there and see a castle. The castle, albeit in ruins, was gorgeous. We wished we could've stayed longer, but we took the wrong exit and wound up back in the shopping area. To our defense, it was starting to drizzle so we wanted to find shelter. In Basel and Zurich, Switzerland, we did the same thing. We walked around and took in the cities. We went shopping for a bit and ate such delicious food (not just in Switzerland, but in France and Germany, too). I really like Switzerland. My first time out of the US was studying in southern Switzerland. Good times. I will most definitely be going back in this lifetime! I was sad and happy that our trip abroad ended. I was sad because I just wanted to stay there; I was happy because I would get to sleep in my own, cozy bed and also get back to my family!

Once all this stupid pollen subsides, it's going to be a great summer!